Feeling Low

[keepacherra]

Hi, I know I dont post much, but I'm always on the website looking at all your posts. I actually didnt know how to post for a long time so thats partly why. Tonight I wanted to say that 3 days ago my girlfriend of a year and a half came out to her mother. Which I'm happy for her for doing but now everythings a mess. My parents don't know so it leaves me with no one to turn to now that her mom is blaming me and angry with me and is not taking the Christmas gifts I had given her the day before she found out. OHHH geez its painful, my girlfriend feels that she is in the middle but she has the comfort of knowing that her mom knows which still isnt fun for her right now but her mother hating me leaves me alone in a dark abyss. I usually come to some of her family occasions but now her mother doesnt want me to. She is angry with me because she feels I have lied to her. I know there is no answer to my problem other than just giving it time but I needed to get it off my chest. So thanks for this website. Hopefully ill be posting more often and hopefully next time it will be a little bit more of a positive post. Thanks. :cry:

[ulsoccer]

Gee, I'm sorry, that's really too bad. I don't know her, but hopefully she'll come around. It's always the worst when you don't know how someone will react. Hope all goes well, and yeah, please post more. We'd all like to get to know you better. :D

[mafamba]

You're right. Usually things like these do need some time. But it's good you wrote to get some of it off your chest.

It's really not a nice situation you're in at the moment and I wish you strenth and I hope you'll find some of the support you need on this board.

[Not_Your_Average]

i have never been in this situation but i can imagine what you are going through (then times that by 10) but all the suppot and love you need you will find here, we are all here to help you hun!
i would have to say that you should tell your parents now, because if you let you gfs parents to calm down about this situation, then tell yours, the pain will last twice as long....

[laura123]

Geez, I'm sorry for the situation you're in! You said she's angry with you and that she feels like you've lied to her. Maybe it'll help when you talk about it and when you tell her why you didn't tell her before, maybe she'll understand you a bit better then. And of course it's also the shock right now and I'm sure it will be better later. I wish you all the luck!!

[trixibelle]

Wow I really feel for you. What a situation to be in!

It's great that your girlfriend has come out to her mom - and it is going to take both of them a while to adjust to this. Clearly your gf's mom has some issues that she has transferred onto you. She needs time to sort through these, and you'll need to be strong until she does. It seems to me that you have a choice. Either:

a. give your gf a hug, tell her you love her, and be strong for her. Don't get involved in helping mom deal with this and let mom work through it her own way. And be great with mom whatever she says and does. OR

b. give your gf a hug, tell her you love her, and be strong for her. And then ask her if it is OK for you to chat with her mom. If she says no, leave it at a. above. If she says yes, then have a chat with mom to see if she wants to talk to you about it. Then let her talk and listen to her. Just listen. Don't try and put her right - her feelings are as valid as yours.

Whatever you do, your girlfriend's mom will be going through something like a grieving process: she's lost the daughter she thought she had (she probably hoped for a big marriage and a football team of kids), and so she may go through all the stages that people in bereavement go through - denial, anger etc and eventually acceptance. Hopefully she'll work her way through to acceptance quickly, but some people stop at denial, or anger. You need to be ready for that, and you just need to keep loving your girlfriend no matter what.

Good luck, and let us know how it turns out.

xx

[Marie-Pier]

what trixibelle said is great....

i'm so sorry about everything but it will take sometime, that's all. But take care of your girlfriend, take care of each other...

WE SUPPORT YOU, YOU'RE NOT ALONE ! :d

[keepacherra]

Isn't life terrible sometimes. I just got off the phone with my g/f (Crystal). She's busy trying not to upset her mom and trying to help her deal with it. I just dont understand, this was her thing not mine. I said go ahead tell your mom its between you guys, I'll be there to support you as always. But somehow I ended up being the one who is hurt the most and suddenly my girlfriend is worried about her. I sat in my room yesterday for 8 hours because my mom was downstairs and long story short I dont enjoy being around her. I sat up there while Crystal went bowling with her aunt and mother. Needless to say due to her mother I wasn't allowed to come. Yet Crystal didn't fight for me, I think thats what hurts me the most. Her mom says shes angry with me because last summer I stayed over her house alot due to family problems. Every letter I wrote to her mother whether it was Christmas, her birthday or anything, I thanked her endlessly for being there for me and said I considered her a second mother since my mother wasn't being one. When I was younger I learned never to trust anyone, I was burned way to many times. So I told myself, Never again. I slipped I trusted her mother, she would always offer to get me food and I would fight with her not to and she would bring me food anyways. My dad told me never to owe anyone anything and I try to live my life through that. Gotta say he was right. I lost 25 pounds that summer because I refused her buying me food. Now, she says that I have lied to her that summer. She thinks I made up having family problems to stay with Crystal. I would never do that and it kills to once again be burned by someone I trusted and to have my girlfriend be slowly turning against me as her mother tears me down. Thanks for all your support, you guys were my last hope and it seems that it's what I need. I'll keep you updated as my life drones on. Thank you again. :cry:

[parksy]

Keep reading Trixibelle's message again. It has some great stuff in there.
It will not be a situation which will change over night.
I am sorry to hear of your unfortunate situation but please be POSITIVE.
Your partner is right in the middle of all this trying to please everyone. You need to appreciate this "bigger picture" of the whole situation as everyone will be thinking differently at present
Give it time

[haokan]

just read everything and i feel terrible for you keepacherra.

but from what i understand your girlfriend's mother is having a hard time with this new reality so she prefers to blame you than her beloved daughter. although no one is to be blamed.

and she will probably try to make you feel even more guilty, perhaps so you break up with her daughter. just don't let her get away so easily. if you let her know that her "attacks" are reaching you she will keep going but if you try and be strong she'll get tired of it and have no choice but to accept. i know it's hard, but be strong. we're all here for you.

As for your girlfriend, maybe she just found the first step really hard and was not in a position to fight for you right away. don't worry, if she really loves you she will eventually defend you.

like someone else said, sometimes you just gota let time do its job. people need time to understand, to adjust, to accept.

again, good luck!

[grannytoni]

i hope things get better for you---i know it takes time, but for heaven's sake---i wonder if the mom could think about it like this---you are both alive and well---thank God---she has a wonderful daughter---so what if she is a lesbian---big whoop---she's alive---
if the mom had to choose:

her daughter could:

be in a body cast
be on life support
have brain cancer
be a lesbian

gosh, which one do you think she'd pick?

[keepacherra]

Well I have some good news. Gosh its so nice to have so much support you guys. Your awesome people. Well, my stomach was stuck in my throat most of the day today, because my mom's friend suggested I come over to talk. I was so frickin scared. I realized that I helped her more than just with this problem. My girlfriend is really pretty stubborn and has a bad temper so sometime she takes it out on her mom and her mom is really sensitive so we worked that out hopefully but i feel we did, only time will tell. But I think she thinks higher of me now that i came over to talk and I feel and hope she will slowly get better about it but Im afraid to say that she may never come to fully accept it. Unfortunately I dont know what to feel because she asked us not to show any affection in front of her. Now me personally I am somewhat offended because i feel she wouldnt ask her daughter not to even hold hands in front of her if it were a guy. I agreed but I dont know whether I should follow what I feel is right which would be not to do anything more than hold hands, or to do as she says. Other than that I feel alot better I dont think she despises me anymore and thats what was killing me before. Thank you guys for your support your the greatest. I wish I had friends like you guys here at home.