Ur orientation? - Discussion

[Shady]

is there anybody still unsure of their sexuality?
and for those of you who know for sure, how did u know?

[Humanafterall]

Shady I don't want you to feel alone. Figuring out one's sexuality is a hard thing to figure out, for anyone. It is hard to wait...to be sure.

But please know this, we are here for you.

Humanafterall

[elmo_ellen]

hi shady..

Take your time to find out...hang out with guys and gals and see whom you feel the most comfortable with...and from there, take your time to discover more about your own sexuality. Some of us take longer than others..but please dun push yourself too hard, ok? :-)

[h0llzie]

Im unsure too sometimes I like think I should be straight but other times Im sorta like Im gay get over it.Today my friend and I were in science and she grabed my hand and I didnt pull away like usual because the teacher was talking and then she was looking at us like what the hell so I pulled my hand away from her and now I sorta think I have a crush on my friend and she keeps doing theese things its sorta like she likes me im confused about it.

[PaulaInLove]

I just knew at some point. I don't even remember what gave the final impulse to admit it to myself...the 1000th crush on some unreachable girl or me dreaming about kissing girls and seeing them naked all the time :-D.
Just try to look back in your life and see on you had crushes in your life...but be honest to yourself. If you're gay they are gonna be girls, if you're bisexual ask somebody else cuz I really can't imagine :-).

All I know is that when you've figured it out and went to peace with yourself it feels better than anything in your life.

[elmo_ellen]

well...as for myself, i attracted girls most of the time...I remember I freaked out when one of the girls pushed me into the school's cubicle and tried to kiss me. That was my first experience with a girl..tat was why I didn't know how to react. Trying not to sound too old here..back at my time, the L-word is a taboo...so I had to discover it myself as the years go by. :)

[Ronja]

I just knew at some point. I don't even remember what gave the final impulse to admit it to myself...the 1000th crush on some unreachable girl or me dreaming about kissing girls and seeing them naked all the time :-D.
Just try to look back in your life and see on you had crushes in your life...but be honest to yourself. If you're gay they are gonna be girls, if you're bisexual ask somebody else cuz I really can't imagine :-).

All I know is that when you've figured it out and went to peace with yourself it feels better than anything in your life.

wow...there is nothing more to add here. REALLY GREAT ANSWER!!!!!

@h0llzie: Did you ever think that you are falling for women or is this the first time you started thinking about it because of your friends action? I mean...you have to feel comfortable with this and it should be..hm...let's say.....a normal feeling? GUYS..help me out here. I have now clue how to explain. :oops:

[annak84]

i still don't know. but i'm ok with whatever i am. just relax. que sera, sera... :biggrin:

[Ronja]

Ah..forgot to mention. I was unsure about it for about 5 years.

[htrowsdrow]

Wow,what a question. Umm..i guess i would say that i spent most of my life in denial, or in fear of the reality of being gay. I never had an issue with gay people...on the contrary i found them usually to me the most down to earth people around.

What finally gave me the courage in the end was a person who has since become almost a soul mate. Its certainly a really hard ...i was going to say decision, but i guess it wasnt really a decision for me so much as a discovery.

Its good to give yourself space, even from yourself... have a good look at what it is that most obstructs your search for the truth...fear of what people might say, fear of not being righteous, fear of being in a period of uncertainty, fear of being too loose with my morals,just stuff that we usually dont allow ourseves to own...look at that and make a conscious decision to put it aside temporarily... enough for you to just see yourself as you really are...a beatiful human being with sacred desires and a sincere heart searching for truth.

This was how i created space of honesty for myself ... be patient with yourself...there is no general correct answer...there is only the answer for each one in the deepest recesses of our hearts.

Sorry about the length of this post...
Drow

[rayoflight76]

Shady, I feel unsure about my sexuality. I am 30 yrs old and for the past 6 months especially, I feel like I just do not know. I have only been with men, well, I have "made out" with a girl but alot of alcohol was involved that night. People were trying to get in the room and we stopped. In all honesty, if that didnt happen, I am sure we would have kept on going. I didnt have any kind of crush on her though, I think it was more of a sexual thing. I have never been in love with a guy or have had many crushes on guys. Again, always a sex thing. I have had crushes on a few women, but they are women that I would never be able to meet, let alone be with. Or seeing a girl walking by or something, I have thought, wow, what a cutie, she is hot, but I have also done that with men walking by. Hmm, more women when I think about it. Who knows. My advice, be yourself and take things as they come. Take one day at a time. I think you will know once you were to meet someone and have some kind of connection. I have never had a connection with anybody, male or female so that is why I think I am so confused.

[PaulaInLove]

I know people like categorizing. It helps them deal with their life, it's all about neatness.
But you really don't need to label yourself in anyway. If you want, hop from box to box. Do whatever you feel like doing but always be true to yourself.

And what might also help with the whole questioning....if a lesbian who is not interested in you in any way has ever suspected you of being gay, than you might be sending off some serious vibes :-D.
You can make it a serious profession, I have stacks of toaster ovens lined up on my wall :-D.

[rayoflight76]

I know people like categorizing. It helps them deal with their life, it's all about neatness.
But you really don't need to label yourself in anyway. If you want, hop from box to box. Do whatever you feel like doing but always be true to yourself.

And what might also help with the whole questioning....if a lesbian who is not interested in you in any way has ever suspected you of being gay, than you might be sending off some serious vibes :-D.
You can make it a serious profession, I have stacks of toaster ovens lined up on my wall :-D.

PaulaInLove, what do you mean by categorizing?

Also, I have had 2 lesbians, who have told me that they have thought that I have gay tendencies and they were going to get it out of me someway somehow. Well, one of them hops from box to box as you put it above, but is more into women. Is that vibe you are talking about? People have always told me I have good "gay-dar" as some put it, so are you saying that these 2 sense that in me??

[medhhy]

I know people like categorizing. It helps them deal with their life, it's all about neatness.
But you really don't need to label yourself in anyway. If you want, hop from box to box. Do whatever you feel like doing but always be true to yourself.

And what might also help with the whole questioning....if a lesbian who is not interested in you in any way has ever suspected you of being gay, than you might be sending off some serious vibes :-D.
You can make it a serious profession, I have stacks of toaster ovens lined up on my wall :-D.

I think i can make it a profession too; I will report to the national headquarter and get myself some toaster ovens.

[moefish]

I think in a lot of ways, I always knew.. I was always thinking about girls I saw at the beach, I was never really interested in dating boys... for me personally I have never been interested in dating men, but I fully believe that some people are into both.. I think society is super into labels, gay, straight, bi whatever..I think, you love who you love, you are who you are...

All I can tell you is the moment I was completely honest with myself and everyone around me, for the first time in my life I felt completely at ease...

[Jamie69]

Aldough I'm quite feminine, it was pritty obvious from very young.... Like admiring women unto the underground screaming to my mum (so she got embarassed) how pritty they were and than my first kiss with a girl age 9.... I've never been interested in man.... I must have tried once to kiss one (my best friend), but I couldn't pull it off and found the thought of it just discusting... So the kiss never happened...

It's hard to tell someone how to find out.... Everyone is diffrent!!! Listen wha it's says in your head and mind, aldough tha might be hard aswel...

[Shady]

@ rayoflight76

Shady, I feel unsure about my sexuality. I am 30 yrs old and for the past 6 months especially, I feel like I just do not know. I have only been with men, well, I have "made out" with a girl but alot of alcohol was involved that night.

that is exactly what im going through

but it actually was my best friend and a lot of drunk guys were around telling us to make-out and we were very drunk too and did it (although i had wanted to do it before)

and i have had boyfriends but when i do they last a week maby 2
because im jus physically attracted to them jus by looking at them but when it comes to getting close and kissing them i just have absolutly no desire to do that... teh only time i dont mind hooking up with a guy is when im drinking idk why lol

but like you said also have crushes on woman that i would never be able to meet like famous women so i think to myself maby its jus cause there famous and beautiful every woman may think they are attractive...

and im not the type of person people even suspect anything cause iv dated guys i tell friends when i think a guys hot and im obsessed with eminem... so its almost like every other day im telling myself i cant be gay then im like, well then why am i having this though about a girl??? then back and forth through different situations

[nycgirl215]

Shady, I completely understand. I'm in kinda a similar situation, cuz I've had crushes on both guys and girls. It seems to be girls more often, but I keep thinking that I can't be gay cuz I've had crushes on guys. And even now, there's this guy that I kinda like.
I think that the best thing to do is, instead of trying so hard to figure it out, just kinda take it as it comes. You'll figure it out when you do, don't try to force anything.

[charly]

Shady, I completely understand. I'm in kinda a similar situation, cuz I've had crushes on both guys and girls. It seems to be girls more often, but I keep thinking that I can't be gay cuz I've had crushes on guys. And even now, there's this guy that I kinda like.
I think that the best thing to do is, instead of trying so hard to figure it out, just kinda take it as it comes. You'll figure it out when you do, don't try to force anything.

Wow, that's weird. This whole thing is EXACTLY what I was going to say... 8O

[nycgirl215]

great minds think alike ;)

[PaulaInLove]

Wohoooo Shady, join the team, hot chicks like you are always welcome :-D.

All I know is you girls needa get laid! Still having crushes on guys, but having dreams and fantasies about girls...to me that's not all that "difficult and confusing" :-D. Put some effort in and let yourself fall in love with a girl.
You might make it to an amazing relationship. After that you can still go back to dating guys and getting married. It's not a one way street!

[itrack4u]

All I know is you girls needa get laid! :lol: :lol: :lol:

[rayoflight76]

All I know is you girls needa get laid!


k, I am cracking up! That is exactly what I tell my friends! And they tell me all the time to just go out and hook up with somebody for goodness sake. They want to take me to a gay bar as well, to see if I would mesh in with some girl and just DO IT!!! How funny. But then again, I dont know if I just want a one night stand. I am going to try and get laid this weekend!!!!!! 8O

[moefish]

^^^ omg rayoflight that is too funny... good luck this weekend!! If u need some good gay bars in nyc let me know... looking forward to a full report on monday!!

[rayoflight76]

^^^ omg rayoflight that is too funny... good luck this weekend!! If u need some good gay bars in nyc let me know... looking forward to a full report on monday!!


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I will let you know! :lol:

[Ronja]

You might make it to an amazing relationship. After that you can still go back to dating guys and getting married. It's not a one way street!

loool..that sentence cracked me up. I know it wasn't supposed to be funny..but..loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

[PaulaInLove]

If you know me, it's all about funny :-). I don't really do serious.

[Ronja]

If you know me, it's all about funny :-). I don't really do serious.

hehe....okay....good to know.

[PaulaInLove]

My girlfriend has known me since 1st grade and she still can't believe my goofiness sometimes :-D.

[elmo_ellen]

i really enjoy the humor of every member here..it's just so enjoyable to be in here... :)

I must admit..I was in relationships with gals before and sadly, the one I treasured most left me cos she realised that she wanted to go back to her boyfriend..but so long as she's happy.. :-)

Well, after a few GGRs, I tried dating men..and I'm glad I've found a man whom accepted my past and I love him..I'm engaged to him now, in fact. I still have the gay-dar but I guess I've made my choice to be this man who love me just the way i am..

[PaulaInLove]

Good for you! Set a date yet?

(Gee, I'm tryin hard to accept traitors! A man....ts!)

;-)

[Shady]

Wohoooo Shady, join the team, hot chicks like you are always welcome .

All I know is you girls needa get laid! Still having crushes on guys, but having dreams and fantasies about girls...to me that's not all that "difficult and confusing" . Put some effort in and let yourself fall in love with a girl.
You might make it to an amazing relationship. After that you can still go back to dating guys and getting married. It's not a one way street!

lol thanks ill have to work on that getting laid part this weekend

[elmo_ellen]

Good for you! Set a date yet?

(Gee, I'm tryin hard to accept traitors! A man....ts!)

;-)

Hiya...well it took me a long time to accept him..I must admit it wasn't easy for him...hee.. :oops:

We've set the wedding date to be on 070707.. :)

[charly]

All I know is you girls needa get laid! Still having crushes on guys, but having dreams and fantasies about girls...to me that's not all that "difficult and confusing" :-D. Put some effort in and let yourself fall in love with a girl.
You might make it to an amazing relationship. After that you can still go back to dating guys and getting married. It's not a one way street!

I totally follow u on this Paula, problem is, when your 16 its kinda hard to find a way to go testing around and it makes life much simpler to keep dating guys. At least for now. (maybe nycgirl can back me up on this...)

[PaulaInLove]

It might be that I live in a more liberal country and are brought up that way, too. But I started testing at the age of 16 and stumbled right into my first serious relationship. Although we don't get along anymore it was a beautiful thing and I'm glad I made the experiences.
Just a thought...meant to encourage you guys that it's not a dead end street just because it seems like it. You just have to be confident that love will come your way and it will. I know it sounds like crap but it actually works.

[Shady]

I totally follow u on this Paula, problem is, when your 16 its kinda hard to find a way to go testing around and it makes life much simpler to keep dating guys. At least for now. (maybe nycgirl can back me up on this...)


thats exactly my situation... im 16 too and its hard to find people my age

[nycgirl215]

I totally follow u on this Paula, problem is, when your 16 its kinda hard to find a way to go testing around and it makes life much simpler to keep dating guys. At least for now. (maybe nycgirl can back me up on this...)


thats exactly my situation... im 16 too and its hard to find people my age

exactly. i'm sure there are more people in my school or around my town that are questioning, but at 16 and in high school it's difficult to be out and open about who you are without being teased and ostracized. so with almost everyone in the closet it's very difficult to find someone

[elmo_ellen]

when i was 16 (goodness..that seems very long ago)..i couldn't come out too. I tried to keep it a hush-hush thing..but that actually can be exciting. My girlfriend then, was more open and wanted to show our affections but it's really tough especially in a conservative country... :mad:

I even had to pretend to look at guys to distract attention. But somehow, there were still small talks here and there debating on my sexual orientation due to my high profile in school. Many interesting things happened during my school days...those were the good old days.. :cool:

[jordz_ellenlover58]

Damn them Conservatives, eh...

[nycgirl215]

Damn them Conservatives, eh...

heh...i'll second that

[charly]

I'll third it then... ;)

[stephy379]

I'll fourth it...? lol. Is that possible? Hehe. :cool:

[charly]

lol. now if we could just get a few people to fifth and sixth it... (would start making things interesting)

[elmo_ellen]

Hi-five! Since i'm going to fifth it... :D

I was indeed ostracised when people somehow knew about it that time...darn.. :x

[roxyrocks]

so, i found out that i like girls when i was in 6th grade. we had this sub teacher for history (which i was happy coz she became permanent). she was 23yrs at that time and i was 11. at first i thought i was liking her coz she was a cool sisterly/motherly figure. she was always nice and cool to talk to about anything. it was very confusing school year for me. i would write her poems, leave notes and cards on her desk afterschool when she's not around to see. i never signed them with my name because i was so embarassed/scared if she found out that it was from me... but i guess being a teacher they learn how to read their student's handwriting, coz one day she thanked me for the cards.. imagine, she thanked me!!! since then she knew that i had a big crush on her, we became friends, and kept in touch through out the years.

i agree with you guys. it's hard to be out when you're a teen-ager. i've had boyfriends just so my friends won't suspect or know. actually, i still kinda am. i have just recently told 2 of my cousins, and 3 girls from work that i trust... it's really hard...

[tedsmaniac]

i found out very early , i took one look at the nurse who cleaned me up ,when i was born and i tought HEHEHEHEEHE she`s cute !!!!!! she had blond hair ,blue eyes and like to danced(oupppsss thats ellen sorry).anyway ,i guess its diferent for everybody ,me i`ve always known and never pretended to be anything else.even in my teenage years ,wich are the hardest,i just did not go out with boys so i could fit in ,i just didnt go out.be true to yourself and always ,always do what is confortable for you and not what is confortable to others.teds advice for the day
teds

[Coats22]

I know this response has been said quite a lot in this thread but I just feel like I have to say it. I feel exactly like Shady. I'm 16 and I live in a town where most of my friends would be accpeting but there would be a few who I don't think would get it. I've never really had a crush on a guy and I've had a few on some girls. anyways..

I've been pretty confused for awhile and felt I needed to talk to someone. My health teacher who happens to be gay, has encouraged us to talk to her whenever we need to about anything (I know a lot of teachers say this but you could tell she really meant it). So I talked to her and told her how I felt and everything, to make a long story short, she said to just take your time figuring it out and don't rule out being straight or gay because teen years are confusing enough as it is. I guess the point of my post is that maybe it would help if you sat down and talked to someone who has gone through it before.

[Shady]

i really have no one to talk to here... im very selective of my friends and people i trust i only have 2 maby 3 really good friends everyone else i consider aquantances (dont know how to spell that)

i know your friends are suppose to be people you can trust and stuff but i would never go to them for this kind of help everytime i think about it i jus say to myself wait til im out of high school then try to figure it out but for now jus keep doin what im doin and get through the next 2 years :?

[charly]

I'm in the same situation. I couldn't dare talk to my friends, even the closest ones. I don't know why because they'd be perfectly understanding and all. It's just that I'm really not sure of what my feelings are, so I don't want to start categorizing myself. I mean, I still have crushes on guys and I still date them and I haven't had any relationship with a girl. I guess maybe if I did I might start telling some friends. But, same as shady again, I keep telling myself to wait to get out of high school for that. But I'm scared that the next thing I might be telling myself is to wait until I get out of college...

[Shady]

i feel like your talking for me lol everything your saying is exactly how i feel

[charly]

good to see I'm not the only one in this situation... ;)

[Coats22]

I know how you feel. I haven't talked to any of my friends about this either. I only went to an adult who I knew had been through the same thing, which I realize you may not know anyone.

I too keep thinking to myself to just make it through high school and then deal with. But I'm also afraid I'm gonna miss out on something, not sure what there's to miss out on, but you never know. But I completly understand where you're coming from.

[htrowsdrow]

But I'm also afraid I'm gonna miss out on something, not sure what there's to miss out on, but you never know. .

Wow. Thanks Coats22...that's really a statement that hits home on so many different levels. I can't express how deeply that struck a chord for me ..THANKYOU

Drow

[hasidichyena]

You really only know where you are and where you've been!Nobody knows what they'll be like tomorrow.

[h0llzie]

Im thinking about talking about it with one of my best friends (I've known him since kindy) but I don't know how I meen I cant just walk upto him and say hey im gay (that all rhymed wooo genious) well maybe I could but then he could be all like 8O "what the hell" and then gah Im going to stop thinking now

[Ronja]

Im thinking about talking about it with one of my best friends (I've known him since kindy) but I don't know how I meen I cant just walk upto him and say hey im gay (that all rhymed wooo genious) well maybe I could but then he could be all like 8O "what the hell" and then gah Im going to stop thinking now

Hm..maybe my answer is kind of crazy now...but what's the big deal about telling? I mean....you can't decide how people react and most of them can deal with it. If they can't.....it's not your fault.

[zoel]

only one of my school friends knows i'm gay. i went round to her house one day and left a note on her desk basically telling her that i'm gay and if she no longer wanted to be my friend she didn't ever have to talk to me again. i was so nervous i threw pasta all over her bed :lol: and i jumped every time the phone rang, in case it was her. it took her a week to find my note, which was prety scary, but then i got a text from her calling me a fool for thinking she wouldn't want to know me anymore :D .that was more than a year ago and we're still friends now.
sorry for rambling, but it's just a suggestion for you. this plan has it's floors but it worked out fine in the end. godd luck :D

[hasidichyena]

Just take a deeeep breath,and get it off your chest man!Let him know how you feel! 8)

[amccrazgrl]

when i told my friends they said they knew.
im like wish u would of told me a long time ago.
i didnt tell one friend until a few weeks later than everyone cuz i knew it be weird for her but shes cool now.

[h0llzie]

I was going to today I went round to his house and I was going to tell him but his little brother was following us around so I never got the chance Okay I might have chikened out .

[Musofan]

Okay I might have chikened out .

LOL oh well h0llzie... tomorrow is another day aye :)

[PaulaInLove]

I wouldn't go up to their house and be like 'You know what? I'm gay.' It might be too shocking. I've realized that it's better to give hints until they think they've figured it out themselves. That way they gradually deal with the situation.

[h0llzie]

God I told my best friend, Sarah today. she didn't believe me so on the walk home I tryed to tell her it was true and she still doesn't believe me. Why the doesn't she believe me its anoying because I dont think I would joke about that

[zoel]

i'm sure that giveb time she will come to accept that it's not a joke. i don't know her personally, but i know, from telling my dad, that it can take tome for people to come to terms with it. be patient with her.
well done for going through with it though. i kow it's a hard thing to do. i've still not got the courage to tell my best friend. you're very brave.

[h0llzie]

well it was sorta easy to tell sarah as she doesn't live in the same town as me she just came and visited. I think Im going to try and tell a friend who lives next to me next but I dont think I could tell any of my school mates.

[ruleruvzworld]

I'm TOLD...that i am a heterosexual due to a birth defect. :cool: 8-)

[graceloo]

Hmmm...

Things have been really,REALLY still for me. Haven been in a relationship since I was 14 and am now 18! 4 years of famine! Well, but through those 4 years, I have had crushes on guys and never on girls. For girls, I looked up to them and admire them; pretty sure it's not a crush!

However, girls around me like to hug me and stick really close to me. Guess, I feels like a teddy bear to them! I'm sensative to physical contact, so when anyone touch me.. I will feel weird but of course I didn't show it. My girlfriends would sometimes like to hold my hand(s)/arms.. I felt weird but as time goes by, I'm getting use to it.

I don't know, but I'm like a "protector" to my girlfriends; they feels the same also. We are females all the same, but I'm a little more boyish!

I have never question about my sexuality before..though I hate wearing dress,skirts.. I know I'm a female and straight

[faybe]

ok...........i have finally realsied that i need to talk to poeple, just to make myself feel abit more at ease!

Latley feelings that i cant control have been overtaking my body, and as a result i have been getting stressed out and probably need to tell poeple who are not going to judge me and even if you do i dont know you and am never going to see you so here it goes!!!! It all started when i began watching ellen and from then on my feeling have moved into everyday life and not just this admiration for this beautiful woman...............ellen!

I dont know what i should be feeling..........i am starting to be more asttracted to women when i am trying soooooooooo hard not to be.............because if i go down that route i know that it is going to cuse pain to alot of poeple and i start thinking maybe i should take the easy route............men, marriage etc. but will it make me happy?

x

[lostioz]

taking the easy route would make the other people happy, but how would you feel, to marry someone you don’t feel attracted to?
Sure you don’t have to explain your feelings when you don’t come out, but could you live with the feeling not being honest to yourself and to people who mean a lot to you.
Take your time to find out what you really want, don’t make any decisions you would regret later. Your life is too short to put off your happiness any longer.

[faybe]

i feel that i should tell my mate but then how would she react would i lose her? she means everything to me and has always been my rock! ok...........that is my answer i guess! i just want to be happy and i guess i am getting stressed because im not sure which way that is! one day i think yeah that way is def right for me and i don;t care what other people think but the next day it has totally changed and everythings just gets me down. women or men women or men women or men the constant questions running through my head! :? :? :?

xxx

[lostioz]

I can’t predict her reaction, I don’t know how close you two are.
Coming out to people you work with can be difficult because you never know what reaction you will receive. The people who are truly your friends, they don't really care if you are gay or straight. Hey and don’t worry, you’re not the only one who feels this way,

sexuality is always confusing (that's what I found out so far ;-))

[PaulaInLove]

I sometimes wish I were straight, although I can't imagine being with a man, or falling in love with one...it's just not in the cards for me. It's definitely easier, that's for sure but I'm still glad I never considered taking that road.
I've heard a lot of gay people say that they didn't feel "at home" or "satisfied with life" until they came out. Once you've done it you feel like you've finally found meaning in life. I know it sounds huge...but that's how it was with me.
Coming out never stops...you have to do it over and over again which sucks...but you kinda learn to do it.
Good luck

[Elise]

that is my answer i guess! i just want to be happy and i guess i am getting stressed because im not sure which way that is! one day i think yeah that way is def right for me and i don;t care what other people think but the next day it has totally changed and everythings just gets me down. women or men women or men women or men the constant questions running through my head! :? :? :?

xxx
That's just what I wanted to say! You can read my thoughts! 8O :lol:

[faybe]

Thanks alot you guys! even if i cant talk to anyone around me i know i can always come on here and talk to you lot! You have really helped. I know that i would be soooo much happier with a woman, yeah ok i find other men attractive but the idea of sleeping with a man does not appeal to me in the slightest! with a woman it is soooo much differnet.....better! I just don't think i could face telling people, especially my parents! my mum duznt even like the fact i think so much of ellen.........truth is i guess that i am soooo much like her, my mate says that i am like her in everyway (maybe that was her trying to get me to tell her) the amount of people that tell me i look like ellen is scary but i always take it as a compliment as she is gorgeous!

[lostioz]

Probably she already figured out and wants to make it easier for you to come out to her.
You look like Ellen? pics please :-D

[Shady]

i just want to be happy and i guess i am getting stressed because im not sure which way that is! one day i think yeah that way is def right for me and i don;t care what other people think but the next day it has totally changed and everythings just gets me down. women or men women or men women or men the constant questions running through my head!

thats exactly how i am one day ill be so happy to admit that im gay then the next ill be trying to see if i can change
i finally said it to myself though that im gay and it felt really good im happy when i think about it then im also confused too because i know eventally i will have to tell other people and thats scary to me :?

i think ever since i was old enough to know what being gay was i knew i was i just never really wanted to believe it until recently
when i was younger i had little crushes on celebrities the only 2 guys i ever really thought were georgeous was (lance bass and eminem) lol and lance is gay... but i remember being very young maby still in elementary school and the first time i saw ellen and just thought she was the most amazing person i thought she was sooo funny and at the time i just thought i liked her so much because she was funny but now i realise i had a crush on her... then theres also rachael robinson from the road rules that was my favorite show and she was my favorite (shes also gay)
when i saw the movies but im a cheerleader and if these walls could talk 2 i was really attracted to amy and grahm... so i finally just gave up and said to myself im gay im not mad about it i actually wouldnt want to be straight if i could lol i just am not ready to come out yet

last night i was at a party and a guy was there who i use to talk to for a while and he kissed me and it really felt so wrong i was kinda grossed out by it i wish i didnt let him kiss me





the amount of people that tell me i look like ellen is scary but i always take it as a compliment as she is gorgeous!

do you have a picture of yourself?

[charly]

i feel that i should tell my mate but then how would she react would i lose her? she means everything to me and has always been my rock! ok...........that is my answer i guess! i just want to be happy and i guess i am getting stressed because im not sure which way that is! one day i think yeah that way is def right for me and i don;t care what other people think but the next day it has totally changed and everythings just gets me down. women or men women or men women or men the constant questions running through my head! :? :? :?

xxx

my thoughts precisely... this whole sexuality thing is getting me so stressed... it's turning me crazy...

[faybe]

carly, i remember the first time i ever saw ellen (in if these walls could talk), she was what freaked me out i guess because i had these feelings for her, she was so gorgeous and so funny, everything that draws a person to me! i started finding myself being atracted to people in real life! and this is where the questions started, i thought to myself its just a phase, but here i am a year later and i still love ellen and there is this a girl who i play football with who i find soooooo attractive. the thought of sleeping with a guy doesnt appeal to me in the slightest, it never has had!

i think in some ways my mate already knows, she loves ellen too (whata great mate she is lol) i duno what i would do if i lost my mate........she is everything to me! but i know she wouldn't ever judge me and would accept me what ever way i went! my parents on the other hand, i think they would take it bad........imy mum always moans at me for watching ellen all the time and she says i cant see why you have the need to watch and have pictures of a lesbian on your wall. what she doesnt get is that i dont like hefr because she is a lesbian......that is just a bonus lol! :-D

i guess its just gone get harder but the longer i take the more comfortable i will eventually be with who i really am........in the mean time you guys are great and wana thankyou all!!!!!!

xxxxxxxx

[Elise]

Yeah it's so stage... I don't know if i'm a lesbian but when I think of kissing girls I like the idea but when I think of boys.... :(

[suchafan]

I feel the same way, I flip flop all the time. One minute i think when i see a pretty girl walk by i think wow I like her a lot more than that guy over there...but then in th next instant I could think a guy that i know is attractive. I think with guys though, its more of a friend talking to a friend, and with girls...well i would persue them more

[faybe]

Hey......once again i am sitting in my lesson, in a world of my own thinking about things! any questions i have i know i can ask you guys! :-D i trust you lot lol :-D people have been saying things like "i cant see how poeple can suddenly turn gay?"" surley if you are gay you are gay and you will never have been with a man!" but ellen didn't come out til quite late and she had also had boyfriends! i know when i look at her that i am gay! she inspires me so much and i deep down i know that i am gay! once i can admit it to myself then comes the challenge of telling others! i need that someone special to just finally make me realsie what my feelings really are, just to tip me over the edge........anyone offering? lol :-D ............... hopefully ellen will be single very very soon, lol :-D never mind the age gap she is gorgeous! lol :-D

have a good day [/color]

xxxxx[/color][/i]

[faybe]

Probably she already figured out and wants to make it easier for you to come out to her.
You look like Ellen? pics please :-D

i would send a picture but i dont know how to............but everyone tells me i look and act like her! compliment or what? x

[Ronja]

Probably she already figured out and wants to make it easier for you to come out to her.
You look like Ellen? pics please :-D

i would send a picture but i dont know how to............but everyone tells me i look and act like her! compliment or what? x


Here you can upload it:

http://www.rippenschneider.de/hosting/upload.php

[lostioz]

i would send a picture but i dont know how to............but everyone tells me i look and act like her! compliment or what? x
check this out
http://ellen.4thdimension.info/modules.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&t=2270&sid=039de021d4ab6eeadf24e2610775a3f8

or send me the pic and I'm gonna upload it ;)

[faybe]

cant figure it out! as i am on my college computer i dont want to mucj it up as some of my tutirs are reasonably scary! if you send me your mobile number i will send you a picyure of me via text! thats if you really wana see how much i aledgedly look like ellen!

faybe xxx

[Shady]

tonight i went out to eat with my dad and brother and i saw this girl working there, i dont know how to say it without sounding stupid but she just really caught my attention and i cant stop thinking about her i dont even know if shes gay or not but she defnitily made me realise i am!

i wanted so bad to just say hi to her or something but she didnt even see me cause she was working and like i said she might not even be gay... but she was the most beautiful girl i ever saw

any advice on how to know if shes gay or how to talk to her :?
this sounds like the episode on the L word lol

i cant get her off my mind :(

[PaulaInLove]

I think the sexual orientation isn't what you should worry about first. Is it really important for a crush?
Plus, always remember, most girls are straight until they're not :-D.

So since you can't stop thinking about her I would go out to eat there more often. Always bring someone else...
Was she a waitress? Then you could request to be seated in her area up front. Or is there anything significant about her? Was she wearing cool pants or earrings? Then you could call her over to you and ask where she got those from...you needa tell me more details to work up a masterplan. Pm me for really good ideas ;-).
Remember to always look into her eyes and smile whenever you see her or talk to her.

Have fun.

[elmo_ellen]

sexual orientation is always such a struggle... :-(

till now, tho i'm now straight and getting married, somehow my gaydar is still on...and I still unknowingly send out gay vibes...this is really quite troubling. :oops:

[PaulaInLove]

I don't understand...do gay people hit on you or are you still attracted to the same sex?

[KP18]

Hey Paula! From many recent posts, I've noticed that you give out really good advices! I think you should become a therapist as I know you'll be a really awesome one. :D

Doesn't anyone agree???

[moefish]

Yes I agree.. She's wise and witty which is a good combo... I'd go to her for some therapy!!

[PaulaInLove]

Wow, most people tell me to mind my own business...I'm surprised about ya'lls support. Thanks, guys.
I do enjoy it very much :-).

[moefish]

No prob bob!

[zoel]

Doesn't anyone agree???

i sure do :-D

[dalaj_l]

yeah I agree :)

Paula's personality just intrigues me... :)
I guess other ppl too :P

[PaulaInLove]

How did I make it from Poptart to Bob? :cry:
One of my Profs is called Bob. Yuck. He's one of those guys who you always suspect of being padophile.

[moefish]

Look at you miss popularity... Who knew paula had so many fans? Haha, as for you my dear poptart bob, they are all terms of endearment just so you feel special :)

[charly]

:lol: who wouldn't want Paula as a therapist ?
I'm sure sessions would never be boring with the clever & witty advice you've been giving.

[genelee16]

Paula, i'll be counting on you for some good advice! :)

[elmo_ellen]

I don't understand...do gay people hit on you or are you still attracted to the same sex?

gay people hit on me... :oops:

[Elise]

What does 'hit on me' mean? Do they hit you or what? 8O

[elmo_ellen]

not literally 'hit'...as in hit..hee..they'll ask me if I'm interested to go out for a drink...and rub my back with a very suggestive look...

anywayz.. 8-)

[kristy77]

to Faybe: please do not think that going the "easy route' like dating guys, getting married and trying to have a 'normal' life is the answer. I have done that and i believe that it has made things very difficult in my life. You will never feel complete, I can guarantee that. Everyday I wish that I had done things different. Gone with the way my heart and mind knows is right for me. I can not turn back time and I feel like I am wasting my life everyday that I live this lie. I have found comfort through this website and if there is one bit of advice I could give to someone else: BR TRUE AND HONEST WITH YOURSELF.

[AussieFan]

Everyday I wish that I had done things different. Gone with the way my heart and mind knows is right for me. I can not turn back time and I feel like I am wasting my life everyday that I live this lie.

To kristy77,

You sound so sad and resigned. What is your situation? Is there anything we can do to help?

:?

[diva_o]

i used to cry while my boyfriend was asleep! that's so sad! then I used to pretend I was with Angelina Jolie LOL

xx

[MaineluvsEllenandPortia]

That is a hard one for me. I am still undeclared but to be honest with everyone i am leaning more towards lesbian. I always have loved women more than men for as long as i can remember. i had one boyfriend who had his own issues. I was just uncomfortable with men in a dating situation. I am a huge flirt and like fooling around with a guy is fine but i dont think i see myself the rest of my life with one. It wasnt until i fell in love/lust with a woman that i really came to terms with it. Other people have always said to me we know you are a lesbian why dont you just come out and admit to it. So i am at the point where i have never been with anyone sexually. I would like to try my hand at a relationship with a woman. I just havent found the right one yet...or the one that isnt taken. I dont know....that is where i am at. xoxoxox

[kristy77]

Everyday I wish that I had done things different. Gone with the way my heart and mind knows is right for me. I can not turn back time and I feel like I am wasting my life everyday that I live this lie.

To kristy77,

You sound so sad and resigned. What is your situation? Is there anything we can do to help?

:?
Like I said in my last post- I feel a comfort on this site. I have everything going for me-- a nice house, a nice car, a couple of cats, a job that pays my bills. And a husband that I am so afraid of hurting. I am a coward-that is my sadness. Everyday I wish that I had done things different in that I wish that I had gone the 'lesbian' route back when I was 17 ( or hell, even back when I was about 7 when I really suspected myself of being different than the neighborhood girls! I did of course have my crushes on boys--Andy Gibb was big at that time! :)) When I was 17 was when things happened with other girls... but I tried to run away from it. I was kind of afraid of it. (this was before Ellen came out, the L word, etc.) But it is something that you can not run from. It is me. I have lots more to say but gotta run...

[Shady]

how old are you now kristy?

i dont think its ever too late to do what you feel is right

[kristy77]

hey shady-- i am 36. You are right, it is never too late. I know that I am going to finally be able to tell the truth. That day is coming. There is so much involved that I am so afraid of hurting people and quite honestly scared of starting over. I just do not want to hurt anyone. Like i originally said I might seem to be living a 'perfect' world but underneath I am busting at the seams. We make our own beds, I know. I am a coward. (But I have faith in myself!)

[faybe]

please do not think that going the "easy route' like dating guys, getting married and trying to have a 'normal' life is the answer. I have done that and i believe that it has made things very difficult in my life. You will never feel complete, I can guarantee that. Everyday I wish that I had done things different. Gone with the way my heart and mind knows is right for me. I can not turn back time and I feel like I am wasting my life everyday that I live this lie. I have found comfort through this website and if there is one bit of advice I could give to someone else: BR TRUE AND HONEST WITH YOURSELF.

I read your message and immediatly felt so much for you! If you feel that strongly and know that much that your life is heading in the wrong direction then for your sake change it............you have the power and strength to let people know who you really are! when you look in the mirror....do you see the person you are inside? do you see the real you? your reflection is something you should be proud of. People shouldn't have this much power over us that we feel we should always obide by the latest fashions etc.......who are they to make us feel a smaller person than them when in fact we are most possibly stronger! A year ago if someone said that they didnt like the way i dressed or wore my hair i would have been paranoid and probably changed it to fit in..........but recently someone said to me that they dodnt like the way i dressed and that i should make the most of what i look like but i dress the way i feel comfrtable.......i dont care! i am proud of who i am and if someone doestnt like it then that not my fault! im not changing for anyone! please think about how much better your life could be!
xxx

[faybe]

my point is that you are saying to people b honest and true to yourself........dont you think you deserve that aswell? be who you really are...........its want you want and im sure once you have it you wont want to let it go or back track to how you used to be becuase you will have the simplest thing of all but what most people crave.................happiness! think about it! xxxx

[Shady]

yea i agree

i know its a lot easier said than done, but dont think that its too late.. you have a lot of life ahead of you to live and you should live it the way you want to

and it sounds to me like you know exactly what you want you just dont want to hurt your husband which is understandable but i think he would be more hurt if he knew you werent happy

[petal]

Hi everyone. I've been checking out this site for a few months now and finally feel ready to join in once I read Kristy77's comments. Her story really hits home, especially as I have begun questioning my life and wanting to find the real ME. I've been married for about 20yrs but about 2 years into the marriage when at a party - whammmoooo! This lovely woman walked into the room and within 6 months we had become a couple (secretly of course). Biggest problem in those days was that we held down important jobs in the Defence Forces and being gay was a definate "no-no". After two years she told me she couldn't go on anymore with me having a husband & having to keep her life secret so she left me. I think the worst thing was the months that followed - I was grieving her loss, missing her so much but couldn't tell anybody!!! Since then I made the best of life with my husband, had two fantastic children and had a successful career, but my life is filled with regret and I just wanted to share this with you - especially for the younger guys just starting off and wondering which way you should live your lives. Anyway, i'll stop rabbitting on for now. Bye

[Shady]

thast a really sad story im sry

are you still friends with her?

[petal]

Hi Shady. We had a mutual friend so every now & again I would hear about her. She actually lives in a town about 30 mins away from me and about 3 years ago I was walking along with my children when I saw her looking at me across the road!!! I looked away in shock but then looked back soon after & she was running in the opposite direction looking upset. I know she was true to herself & took up a gay lifestyle - she's had several long term relationships since ours.

[kristy77]

Thank you to everyone for their concerns- I know that I will be who I am but I am just beginning to be honest with myself...

petal: if you ever want to talk please pm me.

[geo]

it was easy as hell for me to decide it was staring me right in the face like here i am what at first like most people i was mad not sure why this was happening to me and then i accepted it and it wasn't easy but hey it's me.

[she05]

Just over a year ago, I went through the realisation that I was gay. I met a woman and we became friends. I feel in love with her, but she stated that all she wanted was friendship. I accept this even though I was told by another woman that my friend was treating me like a lover but keeping me at arms length. I moved into her home as a friend but evenually the friendship broke up. At the time I thought that it was my fault, but I have since learnt that is was all hers. She manipulated everything to get me out of her house before I found out something about her. Which I eventually did. I was going to give her the benefit of the doubt to put her side across. But since she won't talk I'm taking what I was told to be the truth. She actually lied to me and many many others.

When I moved out of her place to where I am now, I was so broken hearted that I actually contemplated suicide. My first week here I met a man. Over a period of about 3 weeks or 4 weeks, we met and spoke in the street. Eventually he asked me out and I said yes. I even told him that I was gay but he still wanted me. he was shocked that I accepted. He also said that I couldn't have been gay if I said yes to him. I said that I must be bi.

To cut a long story short. We have been together since 1 April. He moved in on the 3 April.

Even though I love him and very much enjoy being with him, I sometimes wonder what it would be like with a woman. I'll look at a pic of a woman and wish that I could be with one. Then sometimes I can't even imagine being with a woman. Is this normal or am I just crazy?

[petal]

Hi She05. Life just isn't simple is it? I posted on page 8.

If you ever want to talk, plse PM me.

[she05]

When I first got together with Jim, when we were together, I used to imagine I was with the woman who was my friend. I felt, at first, that I just transfered my feeling to Jim because he was paying me attention. But I did fall for him. But because of the way he used to speak to me, and still does sometimes, and not give me the affection that I needed, that love is almost gone. I still care for him but not in the way I used to.

I can't wait till he moves out. Hopefully it's soon. He's just waiting for a call from a place he looked at on last week. Can't wait to get my own space once and for all.

I've felt that he has actually held me back. We never went out dancing and I http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Love/hearts-018.gif to dance.

[faybe]

hey she05! i read your post and felt really sorry for you! there is nothing worse then being with someone when your heart is calling out for another! The feeling that takes over your body is so intense and aching becuase you know you need to take another path but something is always holding you back or getting in your way! I have only ever felt like that once! and will gladly pass up the chance of feeling like that again..........everything got on top of me and my days dragged on forever! i was seeing someone i shouldn't have been and they were alot older than me.........i tried to stop it to defend myself! but no matter how much you try and n=brush off the compliments and secrect looks and touches they finally hit you like a brick wall..............and i gave in! we were secretly seeing each other for ages until my parents found a message from them! they wouldnt look at me for weeks and i basically felt like rubbish. For one i had to stop seeing that one person who made me happy and my parents hated me for being happy! looking back now i know that it was wrong and that we were just living on the excitment of knowing it was wrong!!!!!!!

xxxxxxx

[she05]

I'm doing ok. I just got back from taking Jim to work and a song was on the radio, The tune reminded me of my friend dancing. I used to love to watch her dance. When I hear this song, I can see her dancing. Oh, well. One day I will find someone who will love me and care for me the way I need to be. I know that perosn is out there somewhere.

[shushu_fontana]

I was wondering, what does pan-sexual mean? I am trying to figure everything out and I just wondered, so if you could tell me that would be good, thanks.Oh and sorry if this is ther wrong place to ask this, I don't know where else to put it xoxo

[lostioz]

Pansexuality (sometimes referred to as omnisexuality) is a sexual orientation characterized by a potential aesthetic attraction, romantic love and/or sexual desire for anybody, including people who do not fit into the gender binary of male/female implied by bisexual attraction. Pansexuality is sometimes described as the capacity to love a person romantically irrespective of gender. Some pansexuals also assert that gender and sex are meaningless to them. The word pansexual is derived from the latin prefix pan-, meaning "everything", "all", "capacious".

pansexual is a broader term than bisexual because it includes not only loving both men and women but also transgendered people and gender fluid people who do not feel they fit into categories of male or female.


thanks to my gender studies class ;)

[shushu_fontana]

thanks :) you know your stuff! thankyou for letting me know xoxo

[annak84]

thanks for the explanation lostioz. i've wondered myself what omnisexuality means, but was to lazy to look it up. :)

[RainbowWitch]

I didn't discover my true sexuality until later in life and after I was married and had two kids. I after we had gotten married we had thiught I was bi and I started dating. I didn't discover that I was a Lesbian until about two years ago. It took my husband about a year to come to terms with it and understand that there are many in this type of marriage. And that I found a support group for women who are in mixed oreintation marriages like mine. Some of us choose to stay and try to make things work and then there are those who leave.

Finding a woman who is sincere and not out for just sex is hard to find. But it's something I'm not giving up on.

[geo]

i was always curious about people that find out about their sexuality i always wondered what it was like being in a marraige and finding out that you're well gay.

[ElortaUKfan]

It's been a strange journey for me. I think I knew from a really young age when I started to get crushes on girls I saw on the TV although I thought it was just sort of an admiration thing only then through the early teenage years I remember seeing all the posters of guys on my friends walls and putting up some just so I didn't seem weird but not being interested at all.

Then at 17 I spent the night kissing my best friend and that all turned out badly and ruined our friendship.

When I came to uni I wanted to come out and I thought I'd meet tons of gay people for some reason but instead I got in with this really popular group of girls who were very into guys and I pretended I was because I wanted to be like them.

So I tried to convince myself I was bi or even straight and spent a long while avoiding web sites like this trying to convert myself and imagine myself with a man.

But I saw this clip of Ellen and Portia the other day and I just thought 'that's what I want'. So I'm going to work out a way to be true to myself or at least start being honest with myself.

[petal]

Yes, ElortaUKfan - be true to your feelings. I went the other way and tried to hide my true feelings, made a life with a husband and children, but there is ALWAYS that part of me that is totally false & lives a lie every day! It doesn't get any easier with time and especially when family/friends make fun of "gays" it just kills me inside. Will I leave - yes I will - at some stage, but the longer you are in this position the harder it gets. My advice to anyone in ElortaUKfan's position is to be true to yourself & follow your heart!

[ElortaUKfan]

when family/friends make fun of "gays" it just kills me inside

That happens a lot to me too petal, thanks for the advice.

I can see myself ending up in your situation but I'm really going to try not to.[/i]

[petal]

good luck "Elorta". Your life stands before you now & whichever way u choose will require great courage. At least there is a greater tolerance for "alternate" lifestyles now and roll models such as Ellen & Portia who show us that is is possible.

8) Petal

[zoel]

ISn't there a LGBT soc at your uni elorta? If there is i'm sure you'd be surprised by the number of people in a similar situation to you, just like this site. you don't have to stick to just one group of friends. :)

[ElortaUKfan]

Yes we have LGBT society and I thought about joining at the start but I never did.

Now I'm in the final few months of my degree, so there isn't much point in me joining anything like that. I actually have a great group of friends now who are different to those described at the beginning. I think it's something within me that stops me telling them. Soon I'll be started work (in a job where reputation counts for a lot).

I think I have to admit to personal prejudices, I thought you couldn't be very 'femme' and be lesbian so I would never fit into 'the lifestyle', which is why seeing Portia helped me a lot, I can relate to her a little

[h0llzie]

I just told my best mate lewis yesterday that I was sure I was gay. YEAH!!! He was really nice when I told him that I thougt I was he said to think it over and tell him when I was sure or needed to talk. I don't wan't to tell my school friends because we do crack alot of gay jokes but Im pretty sure 1 of my friends is also gay. when we were at the zoo on a school trip she called me gay in front of a gay couple and both of the ladys looked at me and smiled it was sorta wierd I laughed about it at school when I told them about tthoose ladys but now i seem to get more paranoide when they tell me I gay cause its like do they know or is it just a joke.

sorry for the rambling, merry christmas love Holly

[hermaphrodite]

as for me.. i knew i was gay when i was 4 yrs.old. but i dont know what it is called. i told my parents i am 4 yrs.ago through email. :lol: they said it's okay but i think they thought it was only a joke because im still young. my grandmother also knows it but she's not serious about it. and now i find it hard to convince them. probably, they thought that me being gay wont last. but i know deep down it would. I AM GAY!!! hahaha :lol:

[sereneged]

I'm with the author of this thread--I'm still quite unsure myself. I hadn't really thought about it for a looong time (i.e. almost never) until this summer when I met someone who got me thinking...Now I'm just good and confused!

I just told my best mate lewis yesterday that I was sure I was gay. YEAH!!! He was really nice when I told him that I thougt I was he said to think it over and tell him when I was sure or needed to talk. I don't wan't to tell my school friends because we do crack alot of gay jokes but Im pretty sure 1 of my friends is also gay. when we were at the zoo on a school trip she called me gay in front of a gay couple and both of the ladys looked at me and smiled it was sorta wierd I laughed about it at school when I told them about tthoose ladys but now i seem to get more paranoide when they tell me I gay cause its like do they know or is it just a joke.

sorry for the rambling, merry christmas love Holly

That seems to be the "in" thing here at the moment, not sure if it is the world over tho, to crack jokes about gay people, its always been that way to a degree, but more so amongst the young of late.I work with a young smart mouth lad who has been taken down many many pegs from his hideous jokes, many have bounced back on him and made him look a fool, he's learning, but still has a ways to go . No he doesn't know he has a gay person working on the same team as him.Congratulations on telling Lewis Holly, he sounds like a keeper

[LetsFreakOut]

Well I have to say that i'm unsure too.
I'm 20 years old, I had one boyfriend for 2 months and I didn't really feel comfortable.
But I think I'm more gay than straight though!

When I watch tv for example,a movie or something, I always look at the girls.

But I don't need anyone at this moment.

My friends always told me that I was gonna be a nun :lol:

But they did say are you a lesbian because I never had a boyfriend.

[Shady]

a couple days ago my dad asked me why i dont have a boyfriend and i just said cause boys are stupid and he said do i need to be worried about you? in a joking way and i said yes but kinda sarcasticly but i really meant it lol...

im not as worried about my parents knowing as my friends im afraid to mess things up at school b/c i have really good friends right now and we have a great time together they would probably think i liked them in that kinda way, which i dont... they are like sisters to me and that would be too weird to like them but i dont think they will understand

[Elise]

Well I have to say that i'm unsure too.
I'm 20 years old, I had one boyfriend for 2 months and I didn't really feel comfortable.
But I think I'm more gay than straight though!

When I watch tv for example,a movie or something, I always look at the girls.

But I don't need anyone at this moment.

My friends always told me that I was gonna be a nun :lol:

But they did say are you a lesbian because I never had a boyfriend.

Hey I also said i gonna be a nun :lol:

[LetsFreakOut]

lol! I'm actually totally not religious so I would be a bad nun :lol:

[Elise]

lol! I'm actually totally not religious so I would be a bad nun :lol:

Oki I never had any kind of catholic lesson (wel k heb dus altijd zedenleer gedaan :P ) and I know nothing about it and I can't be quiet and i never prayd...

[charly]

a couple days ago my dad asked me why i dont have a boyfriend and i just said cause boys are stupid and he said do i need to be worried about you? in a joking way and i said yes but kinda sarcasticly but i really meant it lol...

Gosh, it's gotta be hard to have your dad all over you like that, making you dread the time where you might come to want to talk to him about your feelings...
Personnaly, i consider myself very lucky to know that if I ever come to the decision of coming-out to my dad (although I'm still really unsure of my feelings), he'd totaly accept it. We've had a lot of discussions about gay issues (I'm always trying to force it in the conversation to know what he thinks about that stuff), and he's always been very open minded about the subject.

[Elise]

a couple days ago my dad asked me why i dont have a boyfriend and i just said cause boys are stupid and he said do i need to be worried about you? in a joking way and i said yes but kinda sarcasticly but i really meant it lol...

Gosh, it's gotta be hard to have your dad all over you like that, making you dread the time where you might come to want to talk to him about your feelings...
Personnaly, i consider myself very lucky to know that if I ever come to the decision of coming-out to my dad (although I'm still really unsure of my feelings), he'd totaly accept it. We've had a lot of discussions about gay issues (I'm always trying to force it in the conversation to know what he thinks about that stuff), and he's always been very open minded about the subject.
People also start asking me aren't u interested in the oppeside sex?... 8O 8O :? :( I'm always like eeeeuh nope :blush: :whaasup:

[studentforlife]

Hi people, I have been reading this site for a while now, great site by the way :) . I have never before felt the inclination to join or post and honestly I have no idea why I am doing it now, I tend to avoid doing so but yet here I am. Personally I really don't know what my sexual orientation is, I have ideas since it is a long pondered issue for me but that still doesn't lead me to a real conclusion. Everytime I think I have it figured out I change my mind, although I am fairly certain it is more of a chickening out than anything. I suspect that I am a lesbian, maybe I know it, I don't know. I am comfortable with women, I like women and I am attracted to women, and I have no interest in men, aside from my family I just don't try to forge friendships and definatly nothing more with them. When I was younger I thought I was just shy, just afraid, but I really don't think thats it, men just hold no interest for me. BUT I find it hard to let go of the ideal, whats been expected of you all your life, getting married, having kids, just the picture thats always been in my head, kind of like I have one picture of how I want my life to be and another of how I'd like to be for my family or maybe its my innner and outter selves, its hard to describe. I just wish I knew which I wanted for sure, which picture is really me and which is a made up figment, I am an avid reader and wannabe writer so its hard to discern which is real and which is just a story. Anyway sorry for rambling on, I know it had to be irritating, I am just so confused sometimes and this is the first I have ever given it words outside my head.

[zoel]

hello :)
what you were saying was not rambling, i know what you're saying and it certainly wasn't irritating. you shouldn't feel embarased about sharing you feelings with us. i just wanted to say that there is no reason why you can't have all those things you wanted (get married and have a family) with a woman. there is no pressure to decide iether way though, youy may be bi, gay or straight, the only difference it makes in the end is who you will end up with eventually.

[studentforlife]

Thank you zoel, you made me feel a lot better about posting at all. And I am sorry if I came off as not realizing that its possible to have a family and share your life with someone of the same sex. I do realize it, its just everything gets so jumbled when I think about it all that I confuse myself, but yeah I appriciate what you said, thanks again.

[Humanafterall]

Hi people, I have been reading this site for a while now, great site by the way :) . I have never before felt the inclination to join or post and honestly I have no idea why I am doing it now, I tend to avoid doing so but yet here I am. Personally I really don't know what my sexual orientation is, I have ideas since it is a long pondered issue for me but that still doesn't lead me to a real conclusion. Everytime I think I have it figured out I change my mind, although I am fairly certain it is more of a chickening out than anything. I suspect that I am a lesbian, maybe I know it, I don't know. I am comfortable with women, I like women and I am attracted to women, and I have no interest in men, aside from my family I just don't try to forge friendships and definatly nothing more with them. When I was younger I thought I was just shy, just afraid, but I really don't think thats it, men just hold no interest for me. BUT I find it hard to let go of the ideal, whats been expected of you all your life, getting married, having kids, just the picture thats always been in my head, kind of like I have one picture of how I want my life to be and another of how I'd like to be for my family or maybe its my innner and outter selves, its hard to describe. I just wish I knew which I wanted for sure, which picture is really me and which is a made up figment, I am an avid reader and wannabe writer so its hard to discern which is real and which is just a story. Anyway sorry for rambling on, I know it had to be irritating, I am just so confused sometimes and this is the first I have ever given it words outside my head.

Oh my gosh...me too. You took the words out of my mouth. It is nice to hear/read that someone else (or alot of someone elses) are thinking the same things.

Peace
Human After All

btw, listen to Zoel, she knows what she is talking about. :)

[geo]

i dunno for me i knew that i was but at first i just didnt think about it well until i started having crushes on friends and I'd stare at random chicks that walked by and i mean really stare thats when i knew i was really gay cause by then guys didnt seem so interesting anymore actually they were never interesting i just dated them cause it was well "normal" but then i had my first gf and it was way better than being with guys i felt more like me and thats my sexuallity for you :-D

[Loopy_loo]

Kate an student, i think im pretty much in the same place as both of you.

im constantly changing my mind, maybe i am, maybe im not, lil things happen that keep it changing. Most of them miniscule.

At the moment i dont know where my head or heart is...
come to think of it, i dont know where i am *pinches self* "ouch!"....

It is so annoying to b constantly confused!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :angry:

[hermaphrodite]

I think the span of time in finding out if you are gay or not depends on the person and the situation. I just wish we'll all find out who we really are. but for me, im thoroughly conviced im gay. :lol:

[ely]

Hi people, I have been reading this site for a while now, great site by the way :) . I have never before felt the inclination to join or post and honestly I have no idea why I am doing it now, I tend to avoid doing so but yet here I am. Personally I really don't know what my sexual orientation is, I have ideas since it is a long pondered issue for me but that still doesn't lead me to a real conclusion. Everytime I think I have it figured out I change my mind, although I am fairly certain it is more of a chickening out than anything. I suspect that I am a lesbian, maybe I know it, I don't know. I am comfortable with women, I like women and I am attracted to women, and I have no interest in men, aside from my family I just don't try to forge friendships and definatly nothing more with them. When I was younger I thought I was just shy, just afraid, but I really don't think thats it, men just hold no interest for me. BUT I find it hard to let go of the ideal, whats been expected of you all your life, getting married, having kids, just the picture thats always been in my head, kind of like I have one picture of how I want my life to be and another of how I'd like to be for my family or maybe its my innner and outter selves, its hard to describe. I just wish I knew which I wanted for sure, which picture is really me and which is a made up figment, I am an avid reader and wannabe writer so its hard to discern which is real and which is just a story. Anyway sorry for rambling on, I know it had to be irritating, I am just so confused sometimes and this is the first I have ever given it words outside my head.


wow! exactly the same happening w/ me... your post made me feel like i'm not the only one in that kind of situation!
and if i my memory is right you're 21..- me too

first i even thought that i wrote that lol

[FreoGeek]

I think the span of time in finding out if you are gay or not depends on the person and the situation. I just wish we'll all find out who we really are. but for me, im thoroughly conviced im gay. :lol:

Couldn't agree more girl!
I figured it all out when i was 22 (now 32) and it's funny...after a while, you remember things like for me it was Jennifer Beals in Flashdance when i was 6 (i think) and i find myself saying now "...and i didn't know..." LOL :lol:
It wasn't until i had a really big crisis did i realise that i was girlie loving kind of girl :cool: and even tho i have a previous straight life, i know i'm gay thru and thru.

Oh and HI!!! sorry been lurking and reading but haven't posted as yet...now i may not shut up!!! :P

[studentforlife]

Back again, and yes I am 21 although now that its 2007 the fact that I will be 22 this year looms over me. And to ely, loopy_loo and Humanafterall its nice to know I am not the only one in this situation, plus everyone here seems pretty cool so I'm glad I joined.

[hmh]

Hey studentforlife,

Welcome to the site, im kind of new myself havent made a lot of posts cos i dont really have worthwhile stuff to say i guess. But when i read your post it made me think of myself, i am 21 aswell and i have felt all the stuff that you said over the past few years. i got engaged to a guy even though deep down i think i even knew then that i was gay but i just wanted the normal life you know. anyway i just wanted to say well done for taking the first step which was taking these thoughts out of your head.. whether you are gay/straight whatever, the sooner you start to accept these thoughts and feelings and work through them, the sooner you can find happiness in yourself and an immense feeling of honesty and understanding....

well thats just my 2 cents :)

hope i havent put you off the site!

[soozi]

I realised after a looooooonnnnggg relationship with a guy that they just weren't for me and when i moved into this flat i came out as gay to all my flatmates which was a biiiiggg relief as they all said they could kinda tell anyway!!

however... all my friends who knew i was with this guy keep just mocking me and making snide remarks saying that noone gets the toaster yet cos its all pretend and stuff, and then just asking questions which to me seem really snide - eg asking if my pulling techniques are different now
i just wanna scream at them to accept me, i've accepted who i am, which is the most important thing really, but whenever i talk to them they say that bcos i was with a fella they cant take me seriously as a gay lass

oh yea i was with him over a year ago now, since then i have had 2 short term relationships with girls so i dont really see it as an issue that i was once with a fella

right now i'm so happy that if i ever do find that special lass then at least i can marry her in my home country, which i think has quelled me fears that i wouldnt be normal A LOT - cos now i could get married and adopt kids if i wanted to

anyway I'm happy with the way i am :)

[hermaphrodite]

I hope this would work.. :)

"Phillips: "Going further back, Ellen, earlier in your life. What was the process like for you where you realized and accepted being gay? Was there a time where that unfolded for you?"

DeGeneres: "Yeah, you know. And I think it was shocking to me. It was shocking to my mom. It was shocking to everybody. Because, you know, I had boyfriends. And I was boy-crazy. And almost got married in high school."

Phillips: "You went through all of that?"

DeGeneres: "Oh, yeah. It's -- I mean, there are certain people who know early on. And that's who they are. And I, you know, I didn't know at all."

Phillips: "So, how old were you when it became clear in your mind that you were?"

DeGeneres: "Like, 19, 20."

Phillips: "Pretty soon after that, you shared it with your mother?"

DeGeneres: "Mm-hm. First of all, she didn't understand it, and then she went to the library and read about homosexuality, which I can only imagine what those books were. You know? She probably first got Homo sapiens and read that. That's probably the only book they had. Well, what's wrong with that? So what, she's a Homo sapiens? Aren't we all? But, see, she was great. All this-- thought it was a phase. And she thought I'd, you know, go through it and-- like the tube top. Oh, she won't wear that after a certain amount of time. And I don't."

Phillips: "So, she was right about that."

DeGeneres: "Yeah. She was right about the tube top. That was a phase… So, you know, she was very accepting. You know. I don't know, it wasn't a big thing for me to accept."

this is an interview of ellen before. There's a lot more :) here's the link:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6430100

[she05]

In October 2005, I came to the realisation that I was gay. It felt like a big weight had been lifted of my shoulders. I meet a woman and fell for her. But she said that she only wanted friendship. I accepted that. That friendship ended with a real big bang where now she won't even talk to me. Way to big a story to put here.

In March 2006 I moved to where I live now. First week here I met a man. I was amazed at how attracted I was to him. I finally feel for him. At first it was on the re-bound and then I loved him for him. We broke up about a month ago. He finally moved out yesterday.

I classify myself as bi-sexual. Which I like because you have the best of both worlds.

[studentforlife]

Hey studentforlife,

Welcome to the site, im kind of new myself havent made a lot of posts cos i dont really have worthwhile stuff to say i guess. But when i read your post it made me think of myself, i am 21 aswell and i have felt all the stuff that you said over the past few years. i got engaged to a guy even though deep down i think i even knew then that i was gay but i just wanted the normal life you know. anyway i just wanted to say well done for taking the first step which was taking these thoughts out of your head.. whether you are gay/straight whatever, the sooner you start to accept these thoughts and feelings and work through them, the sooner you can find happiness in yourself and an immense feeling of honesty and understanding....

well thats just my 2 cents :)

hope i havent put you off the site!


Thanks hmh, you did not put me off the site, in fact I really like your response, I agree with you actually.

[angelica]

Hello all.
Finding myself questioning my sexuality after all these years.
I am 47. I was married at 28 after years of only interest and dating
the opposite sex. I was married for 19 years and right after the divorce
met the most amazing person. She was married to a man for 8 years and he left her years ago and she hasn't dated since.
I don't know what to make of our connection, but it is compelling, respectful, visceral and fills us with the utmost joy. We both have never
ever contemplated a same sex relationship but are totally drawn
to each other. What does that make us?

[soozi]

@ angelica - that makes you happy :)

[angelica]

Wildly Blissful!

But I am not sure what label one would call us!

We do not seem to fit any societal conventional labels!?!

[DJH]

Hi, I have a label for you the 'YOU' Label, y label everything just be you and thats your label, if other people dont like it then tough!

:D

[angelica]

Thank you for your input!

In fact as both of us have scratched our heads and have
questioned what has transpired we have pretty much
thought the same thing.

However, has anyone else had a similar experience?

[angelica]

OK

just wondering what others think

find myself questioning my orientation

always felt secure in my sexuality..............
I mean I had never felt attracted to the opposite
sex. Only dated men, married for 19 years and was
recently divorced.

I fell in love with my best friend.............

AND now find myself very attracted to Ellen

........ Is it Just ME or..... does this mean I'm gay??

[soozi]

well that depends...cos if you could still see yourself with men, then no your not gay!

[angelica]

Gosh.........................


......................................To be Honest ONLY a TRULY
EXTREMELY MASCULINE man at this point would appeal
such as Gerard J. Butler (The Phantom Of the Opera (2005) Movie)
type masculine, otherwise.................

I would say................... no....



What does that make me???

Am I BI???

[soozi]

imho I'd guess you're bi....

but seriously...dont worry about labels..you are what you let yourself be and you should date whose best for you, whatever their gender

[hermaphrodite]

i guess you're the only person to know who you really are.. But i agree with them. think you're bi. :)

[JetGrrl]

ah labels, the sweetly sticky little bits of paper that keep clogging up the shower drain.

i've considered myself a lesbian for about 4 years now. i thought i was bi for a few years before that, but it never felt right, i always wanted girls so much more.. i could only imagine ending up with another girl.

sooooooooo. i don't mind sleeping with boys.

uh oh, i hear all the lesbians gasp. she's one of those so-called lesbians, giving all 'true' lesbos a bad name!

but i dunno. i don't consider girls who have 'flings' with girls, or have a 2girls+1guy threesome necessarily bi. a lot of them are trysexual, heteroflexible, or just because being gay is the new cool. yes, i have a mild disdain for these people. sometimes, these people are considered straight anyway, despite the homo-indiscretions. so, i ask myself, why should i be any less lesbian?

meh, the questions that represent so much, and matter so little.

[angelica]

Sociological Ideology and sexual identity issues are so much a part of
ones view of themselves. My SO and would not change or give up
what we have discovered for the world, yet still find ourselves
VERY CONFUSED by what has happened. We have thought about
this alot and have spoke of this at length, and finally this
weekend have made a bit of sense of it, in a way , for us anyway,
and that is truly what matters.

When we met online, we both had never felt like we had ever
clicked with someone as much. I mean, it was like we had
incredible insight, acceptance, and an unprecedented connection
that neither of us had ever felt before. I met her in person
four months later and after a few days, after a very late
deep discussion one night, a hug brought us both instantly
to a new realization as we then confirmed in our own minds
what we very much suspected, that we were and are genuine soulmates,
though I never realizd before that there actually was such a thing.
The situation soon grew more intimate and we are so in love,
yet feel that our soul connection and intimate deep friendship
is a huge part of what we are. We think we have a soul marriage,
and wonder if anyone else has ever experienced this.

Does this make us gay?

[PaulaInLove]

Depends.
Do you wanna strip butt naked and get in bed with her...then yes.
If you just feel like you can talk to her about anything and you miss her every second she's not there....then maybe.
You haven't clarified if you two ever kissed or had any sexual experiences together....I know it always sounds superficial but sexual desire towards the same sex is a big part of being gay :-). It might give a hint in your search for sexual identity.

[angelica]

I am struggling a bit with my response to your inquiry, as I feel that
the it is hard to capture the essence of pure, visceral physical
intimacy and passion that is SO HOT and yes we have the
most difficult time keeping our hands off each other.

But it is so much more than that!

[angelica]

I guess what I am wondering is are most relationships between
two women normally so deep on every level, or have we discovered something rare!

I confess I am not extremely experienced in these matters,
and when I think of past relationships, I realize the HUGE
disconnect that didn't seem apparent.

Just wondering.

[JetGrrl]

sounds like someone's in lllooooovvveeeee!

personally i don't think you two being together, how you described what you feel, makes you gay. even if it is sexual. doesn't mean you're straight either. you just are... you're you. just makes you a woman who loves a woman.

[irock4u]

I can usderstand the want/need for a label because a label identifies you with a certain group which make one feel apart of something instead of out their blowing in the wind. Some people don't like labels I don't mind being labeled a Lesbian my love for women has been strong from the time I was about 7 or 8. Yet I married a man then I realized it wasn't for me. Did that make me straight? Does the fact that I was with few men make Bi? No, I was always a lesbian.

You are who you are and you love who you love.

[Elise]

I can usderstand the want/need for a label because a label identifies you with a certain group which make one feel apart of something instead of out their blowing in the wind. Some people don't like labels I don't mind being labeled a Lesbian my love for women has been strong from the time I was about 7 or 8. Yet I married a man then I realized it wasn't for me. Did that make me straight? Does the fact that I was with few men make Bi? No, I was always a lesbian.

You are who you are and you love who you love.
I think... u are right :oha:

[pisimbat]

' You are who you are and you love who you love.' :cool:

[Love9408]

I've known since i was about 7 that i liked girls. My first experinece was with my girldfriend now, we have been dating for 9 months and we met our freshmen year. I can't really explain how i knew but i did and i love her to death, she is my life. She asked me to marry her about a month 2 months ago, and i said yes. So when we graduate we are going to go to collage and get married!!! :D

[Nelfy]

I realised that I am gay when I was about 14/15, I totally madly fell for an older woman, but I've had crushes on woman from earlier on, just didn't get it, also because I didn't know that being a lesbian was a "possibility", I had a huge crush on Pamela Anderson at the very beginning of baywatch, I was around 8 years old and then I just always wanted the female characters from tv-shows to hook up :) but I just didn't understand that my feelings were not "normal"

[one_dream_closer]

As many of you metioned i believe that people think they understand things better when they put labels. And this is a common characteristic of both gay and streight people.

I have friends that are lesbians and gays. And when I met these people my whole theory changed. It might sound strange but since I met i figured a bit out what i am. When you afraid things you are not in reality free to choose. Before i meet this people i had some douts. Only because i was not permiting to my self think two alternatives instead of one. Now i am quit clear. I know i hate caracterizations. I had only once fallen in a crazy love and this was whith a man. So i keep saying when I have this kind of conversation that what i am is a person who wants to be good with himself. Until know I am straight but if tomorrow i feel in another way it will be ok. You know maybe because one of my closest friends is lesbian i learnt to see the sexual orientation thing as the colour of the eyes or the length of the hair. Nothing more nothing less. So as an ''educated'' streight person I really believe that this subject should stop having so much importance as a taboo issue. only when people stop cosidering as an open fight both sides will find their balances.

Because you know it might sounds crazy but sometimes racism comes from both sides. It usually starts from streight people but then some of the gay people as a diffence they become very provocing. And this is has nothing to do with being gay or streight. this has to do with being good person. And good and bad persons exists in both sides. As i cannot stand people saying that only streight people are normal in the same way i don't like hearing people saying that they are proud of being gay. Because as i canot understand why someone should be ashamed for being gay in the same way i cannot understand why someone should be proud of it. And that is the reason I really liked from Ellen. That she first of all made it clear that what she did she did it only for herself. She didn't want to show that she is proud of something. Or that she is special. Exactly the opossit. She showed that is an ordinary person that wants to be treated as all the other ordinary people.And that is the key for her success. because she showed that the only thing she asks for is equal rights. And this has nothing to do with being gay or streight. This has only to do with being a human being.

[llamagangster]

i must say that i enjoyed reading over this post.

it was quite insightful to think of things from different point of views and stuff.
it pretty much made me think about how hard it can be.
but it's worth it in the end.

and it made me want a girl to sit next to me even more.
and to find a girl that will stand by my side forever and not judge me on any of the stupid things that i do.
:(
but i don't have anyone.

As many of you metioned i believe that people think they understand things better when they put labels. And this is a common characteristic of both gay and streight people.

I have friends that are lesbians and gays. And when I met these people my whole theory changed. It might sound strange but since I met i figured a bit out what i am. When you afraid things you are not in reality free to choose. Before i meet this people i had some douts. Only because i was not permiting to my self think two alternatives instead of one. Now i am quit clear. I know i hate caracterizations. I had only once fallen in a crazy love and this was whith a man. So i keep saying when I have this kind of conversation that what i am is a person who wants to be good with himself. Until know I am straight but if tomorrow i feel in another way it will be ok. You know maybe because one of my closest friends is lesbian i learnt to see the sexual orientation thing as the colour of the eyes or the length of the hair. Nothing more nothing less. So as an ''educated'' streight person I really believe that this subject should stop having so much importance as a taboo issue. only when people stop cosidering as an open fight both sides will find their balances.

Because you know it might sounds crazy but sometimes racism comes from both sides. It usually starts from streight people but then some of the gay people as a diffence they become very provocing. And this is has nothing to do with being gay or streight. this has to do with being good person. And good and bad persons exists in both sides. As i cannot stand people saying that only streight people are normal in the same way i don't like hearing people saying that they are proud of being gay. Because as i canot understand why someone should be ashamed for being gay in the same way i cannot understand why someone should be proud of it. And that is the reason I really liked from Ellen. That she first of all made it clear that what she did she did it only for herself. She didn't want to show that she is proud of something. Or that she is special. Exactly the opossit. She showed that is an ordinary person that wants to be treated as all the other ordinary people.And that is the key for her success. because she showed that the only thing she asks for is equal rights. And this has nothing to do with being gay or streight. This has only to do with being a human being.

Very very well said!!!