Is anyone out there?

[starboarder]

hmm, I dont know how to start so im just going to write and hope i can get something... anything off my chest, I've been righting this for along time, but i dont know if its real, I'm starting to relise that i am or might be a lesbian, but god i hate that word, i've never wanted to be labeled as anything. I used to be boy crazy, and now i find myself having feelings for friends, but i've never acted on them, I don't even know if I will, and then i'm starting to think because I havent liked anyone in a while that maybe I dont like eather, that i'm one of those freeks that doesnt like guys or girls... but i have had strong feelings for guys and i've only had my heart broken, so have i just been hurt so many times that i''m puttnig up and even thicker wall then i had before? I met this new girl at work and we because friends right away, and I was the one who started talking to her first even though i'm not usually the first person to approach someone, but anyway we became friends, and talk almost everyday, but now shes dating some guy from work and when i found out i actually felt sick to my stomach, everyone assumes its because i like him, but i don't,... you know that feeling when someone touches you and your stomach turns into butterfly's, she was singing some song and put her hand on my knee and there they were, I really just wanted to fun away, and when i found out about her dating this guy my leg actually went num... whats up with that? i dont even get it.. am I bi? am i straight am i gay, am i neither.

And something i've been feeling for a while is really jelous when my friends get boy friends because ... i dont know if anyone is going to get this at all... but you know when you have a best friend and you talk about everythinhg, you do everything together, but then they get a boyfriend and that all changes, and things between them stays between them but thing you and your friend do together are now always shared with your boyfriend, so whats the difference, why is it that as soon as theres a man in the picture ppl forget about friendship, and maybe none is "straight" maybe we just fall inlove with people, but who knows, i have no idea, I really want to talk about all these feelings with someone but my mom- no she wil just tell everyone in the family, my sister- she wont look at me the same. my dad- he wouldnt know what to do, and would probably be disgusted, my aunts, my friends, there is NOONE i can talk to... i have to go on a website and tell ppl that i dont know and that dont know me because for the first time in my life i feel like i have noone.:(

If anyone has anything to say please say is, i could use any advice anyone can give me

[PaulaInLove]

I love this kinda stuff so I'm gonna jump right in:

First of all, I can't help you with the labeling...sorry.
I know, though, that you don't really need it, you will figure out who you are eventually and the labeling is just for other people.
And, by the way, I hate the word 'lesbian' as much as you do...in German it sounds even worse.

About your feelings.
If you were boy crazy all this time it might be because you were hiding behind something. All the other girls are boy crazy so you kinda went with that without consulting your own feelings. I'm not judging you here...I did the same thing ;-).

I'm gonna leave out the part where you might be JUST into boys because in my opinion - if you start questioning - you're not just straight. Other's can correct me here but that's what I think.

About the friends that get boy friends, you'd have to ask a straight person here. I never liked the scenario that you described where you suddenly had to share your best friend with some guy.
Not everyone does this, though. Some people just double their love, so that you as their best friend get the same share as always. It comes with maturity, too, I think.

About the girl at work.
If there are butterflies you have a cute lil crush on her. Okay, maybe it's a cute, larger crush...I wouldn't know. Fact is, the best way to deal with a crush (and I've had many) is to admit it to yourself and be fairly open about it...at least to yourself. I don't know what kinda person you are but if you're flirty at all you could do lil things. Bring her coffee and call her "sexy"...that's how I get usually get the chicks...:lol: If she flirts back you can build up something there.
About the boyfriend of hers....pretend like he doesn't exist until she brings him up. Now this is difficult, you need to pretend that you are okay with the relationship and give honest, heartfelt advice if she wants any.
Basically, try to be the best friend you can and flirt :-).

Just my 83 cents (since it got kinda long)...:-D
Good luck.

[Loopy_loo]

star boarder- i think at the moment i am in exactly the same boat as u, so if you wanna chat any time you can pm me or add me to msn. :)

[starboarder]

thanks you guys it really does help...

So something weird is now happening, she keeps joking about thinking that i like her... but there is no way she would be able to know what, i really havent shown it at all, and she bring it up alot... so now i'm even more confused... is she trying to just get it out of me? or is this her trying to tell me something, or is she jsut joking around and it doesnt meen anything?

She says her and her boyfriend were talking about why some of my friends dont like her, and they think its because i like her boyfriend. which isnt true but anyway, and shes like "yeah we came up with that you dont like him you like me lol"


There is a part of me that thinks shes just joking around what ever but then theres a way bigger part going maybe she likes me

I should probably add that she thinks a few of my friends are gay because they got really pissed off when we started hanging out, i'm not qujit sure why though, i guess they were just jelous... but i dont know

Anyone have any advice about this?

[PaulaInLove]

Hm, to me this sounds like she figured it out somehow and is trying to indeed get it out of you. That's a difficult situation since you don't even know yourself...it's pushing you into a corner kinda.

Maybe you should go with it and pretend like you can't get enough of her :-D. That would serve your ambition to get closer with her and you would be ahead of the game.
So next time she says anything like it, you go "Yeah, will you marry me?". That would be so hilarious. Do it with all the dry humor you can scratch up :-). I wonder how she'd react.

If that's not really your thing, still don't make the mistake and furiously deny it. That would give it all away. If you joke about she'll be confused as well!

[Shady]

i think Paula is giving you great advice, i think i might use it too lol

i know how you feel at a point in my life i was boy crazy but i think it was just because all the other girls were and it felt normal for me to say "oh he's so hott!" i might have been attracted to guys but they never made me feel the way a girl does


your not sure if your gay...
you said she touched your leg and you got butterflies, has that ever happened with a guy before?
iv never gotten butterflies when a guy has touched me...only girls and its not even like they are trying to be sexual its jus an accident and iv gotten them butterflies your talking about, i think that was the biggest sign for me lol


i havent told anybody either this is the only place i ever talked about it and it feels really good to get it off your chest... my parents have asked me a couple times if im gay...and my friends too lol but i denied it. Im pretty sure they think im straight. its jus cause i love ellen so much so my dad was like "please tell me you like boys" and i was hesitant for a second then i was like "yea i like boys" it hurt to say that but im not ready to come out to anybody yet



so like i said i think paula gave you really good advice about flirting with her a little bit and see if she flirts back

[nycgirl215]

I think that if your friends are asking you if you're gay, then they probably already know, or they'd be okay with it if you were. Personally, I think that if they're asking then they've prepared for the possibility of you answering yes. But that's just my opinion, I'm not trying to judge or anything, cuz I'm not ready to come out either, so I know it probably sounds really hypocritical. This is the only place I've been able to admit that I'm gay and while it's really nice to be able to get it off my chest, it's kinda scary too.

[starboarder]

This really does feel good to talk about, but about me being boy crazy, I think thats a bit of an exageration, it wasnt like ever guy i saw i'd be like " oh i love him blah blah blah" But I always had crush's on guys, i'm actually hanging out with this guy tonight and i'm hoping somethings going to happen, but thats what makes it even more confusing, i've never really had these feelings for a girl b4.

About my friends asking if i'm gay, it was more joking around. But with her asking me, thats where it gets weird, because there is really no way she could know.

I love what you said about " well yeah wanna get married" haha that cracked me up, and i have joked about things that with her b4 and she plays along, but i'm not just sure if shes just kidding, or if shes only half joking.

I'm reading over what i wrote, and if i was a third party in all this i would think she was trying to hint at me, but I don't have a clue.

Oh and my dad has asked me to if i liked boys because of how much i like ellen, but i only foudn out she was gay 3 years ago lol.

I really don't know what to do, when i see her theres a part of me that jsut wants to run away and then theres another part that i just wanna tell her everything, but if she didnt feel the same, i really wouldnt want to loose her as a friend.

God i've never been so confused in my life

[AussieFan]

G'day,

I don't know that you need to stress so much at this point. If you can detract from having to be either gay or straight, you may be able to relax a little. Ask yourself why it is so important to be one or the other...

I am not sure how old you are but maybe you are starting to discover that there is another option out there other than boys or men. Why not just act on your feelings as you have them and see where it takes you?

I don't consider myself gay but I have been in a same sex relationship for nearly five years. Before that, it was all men. I feel in love with a person, not a gender.

Just my 5cents worth (I lost on the exchange rate!)
:)

[starboarder]

well i just turned 20, and ive been confused about sexuality for along time, but i didnt realy have any feelings for girls.. it was weird.

Now with this gri lthat has been completly confussing my, she just came back from a small trip, and sent me a msg saying that we should do something, but her boyfriend ended up "taggin along" as she puts it so we didnt get to talk or anything, but then a few nights ago it was just her and i at her househanging out and she says she doesnt talk about her feelings or about things that have happened to her to anyone, but she was talking to me.

So as we were talking i noticed that unlike the way alot of people talk, where they dont look into your eyes she was looking into mine and it was as if she was speaking to my soul.

So it got to be very late, and i ended up sleeping in her bed with her, so we talked for about an hour and i looked over at her there was such an impulse to lean over a kiss her.

I've had this dream b4 where were lying in down like that and she looks deep into my eyes like she does and says shes falling for me. So as we were lying there it looked just like my dream. and during the night while we were sleeping i kept waking up ever 30minutes i dont know why but i would and i'd glance at her face and felt her body against mine and with no over person have i ever felt like i wanted to feel them like that. I feel asleep and another hour later i woke up with her leg ontop of me and i didn't want to move just incase she thought i didnt like it and moved. She also kept moving her head closer to mineso by morning her head was on my pillow.

I can see now that i really really like her, and knowing the extremly low chances that she feels the same makes my heart want to break.

If she can talk to me more then she can with anyone else and she likes spending time with me like she says then why shouldnt she love me back? Because I dont have a penis??? this is driving me out of my mind, shes the last thing in my mind b4 i sleep and the first thing when i wake up.

Please keep writing your own stories or advise it really helps

[Stellerk21]

Well I can say the same it has happened to me. I fell in love with my best friend. She only told me her feelings and problems. I new in my mind she would never want me, so I watched her go out with jerky boys and get her heart broken. I never had enough courage to tell her I was in love with her. Eventually we drifted are different ways and haven't been in contact sence. I only regret not telling her because I lost her anyways. I think if I told her I would have shared more of my feelings with her.

[Shady]

starboarder

thats sucha sweet story, i had the same thing happen to me last year when i had feelings for my best friend and sleeping in the same bed with her when she didnt know how i felt was the hardest thing... and the first time i slept in the same bed with her i did what you did, i kept waking up and actually i woke up one time and her leg was over me too like your story and i did the same thing i stayed still cause i didnt want her to move lol...

its hard to tell what their feelings are because your not sure if they are so deep with you just because they look at you as a friend or maby more, but you dont wanna say anything cause your afraid it might ruin your friendship, i never said anything and she moved away to college but i dont have them kind of feelings for her anymore because a lot of things happened, were still good friends though


the best advice i can give you is to keep being there for her to talk to and if she does have feelings for you too i think they will show eventually

[spookystarbuck]

Heya, I hope everybody is okay.

Wow, I thought I must have been the only person who was confused about their feelings and that felt they were in love with their best friend. Seems pretty normal to me now, hehe.
I know how you feel, honestly I do and I am reading this advice as though it was me that started this thread as it really does sound like the situation I am in. The thing with me is, my friend knows. I've told her and she is totally okay with it. Only thing is that now, she flirts and stuff and I don't know if she's doing it to lead me on as she knows I like her or if she actually does like me. Like the other week, she was so drunk and in front of her family she says to me; "Alison, strip me naked and take me to my room". I nearly freaking ate my heart it jumped so far up into my mouth! She also does other things like sending me textys everyday like "hi to you my lesbian lover" (believe me I hate that word as much as the next person - it's bloodyawful isn't it?!) and tells me everyday she loves me. But when I do try and question her on the sly she tells me she's straight. I am so confused. I just don't get it. Grrr....

Any ideas guys?

@starboarder - telling her could work out for the best. But only when you are really really comfortable with your feelings yourself. Otherwise, it is better to keep them as a really close friend. Next best thing! hehe.

xx

[hmh]

Hey guys...

Just reading this forum, it almost makes me cry.. cos I can totally relate to everything u guys have said..

Im 21 now and have struggled with being gay for about 5 even 6 years.. and I cant stand the word 'lesbian'!!

And I too was in love with my best friend....all the stuff about sleeping in the same bed etc.. I feel the pain. however there is hope for you others - no, we are not together (that would never happen) but I actually told her.. well it was a slow process. She was the first person to know I was gay, she sort of got it out of me, and has helped me with it since I was 19... and because I was able to tell her *everything* made us closer, she wasnt weird about it or anything.. and now I can see how important the friendship is and loving her in a platonic way..

I havent exactly come out yet, only 2 people know (and I have total homophobic parents) but Im starting to accept myself I think

Gotta love Ellen tho.. I wonder.. does anyone else feel this way - but when I see Ellen, I kind of feel calm on the inside, like its okay to be gay?

Sorry if that sounds lame!!

[starboarder]

I can say it feels really really good to have people tell me that they know what i'm going through... Its so weird

So you should know that honestly i love ellen so much when i'm at work i make sure i get my breaks when her shows on... but the weirdest thing happened to me... I was watching her and this girl i work with comes up and shes like you like ellen alot huh? yeah i said she goes yeah, i was asking your friend if you were gay, because you know u like Ellen so much... i almost died. I honestly think its so stupid for people to assume your gay because of someone you watch on tv lol...

So when this girl ive been telling you about, her and her boyfriend broke up... but there still sleeping together, and when we were talking on the phone today she started jokng about how her i and him should have a 3some, and she goes well the only reason you would wanna do it is because of me, and then she says about how small his penis is. But I just keep thinking that i wish it was me insted of him... but she keeps saying things like this...

Oh and she is moving back to her home town, and i know that one of the only reasons she doesnt want to go is because of me. She is becoming my best friend, and i never thought id be this close with anyone after my last best friend, and she has been able to figure out things about me that ive never told anyone. And we were talking today and she said something and i was saying i know you love me, shes like no, i'm like if i die tomorow you will be so sad so you should always tell people if you love them, and she goe of course i love you, and she spelt it like that not like i luv u or something... and i was like i guess i kinda love you to, and shes like i know you love me i asked her how she knew and she said theres a look in my eyes... that was nuts. Its so weird though, she looks at me differnt then anyone else has before, and when a romantic song comes on she'll lip sink it to me lol. its so nuts...

I just wish she would tell me she loved me the way i wished she did

[starboarder]

Now shes been gone for a few days and all day long we've been txting, and shes trying to say that she knows i love her ( as a friend), i wish i could tell her, yeah and then some

[Loopy_loo]

Wow i dunno about you starboarder but if this was me, i would be like .... what the feck is goin on? :lookround: :huh: :dontgetit:

If you are really sure ya really, i mean really like her, to avoid further confusion, cause in my opinion being confused is worse than being rejected.


...... YOU NEED TO TELL HER!!!!!!..................

i know u already have, but from what you are telling me, it sounds like she isnt taking you seriously, maybe she is uncomfortable, so just jokes around with you, or maybe shes hiding how she really feels, ....

Either way girl, you need to sit her down and have a serious chat with her, lay everything out on the table( i dont mean literally, but, hey, what ever your enclined to do is up to u :P)

Tell her this isnt a joke and that this is how you really feel and ask her how she feels. just explain that you are confused and need her to be clear.

Thas my ten pennies worth!

[starboarder]

umm in the part that u said you know i already did tell her... um i havent said a thing lol.

Also now one of her friends wants to date a bi girl and she is all grossed out by it and doesnt think someone can like both... shes like nothing wrong if someones gay, but no one can like both.

This sucks i wish i could just go out and say it, or kiss her or something:(

[hermaphrodite]

Hey guys...

Just reading this forum, it almost makes me cry.. cos I can totally relate to everything u guys have said..

Im 21 now and have struggled with being gay for about 5 even 6 years.. and I cant stand the word 'lesbian'!!

And I too was in love with my best friend....all the stuff about sleeping in the same bed etc.. I feel the pain. however there is hope for you others - no, we are not together (that would never happen) but I actually told her.. well it was a slow process. She was the first person to know I was gay, she sort of got it out of me, and has helped me with it since I was 19... and because I was able to tell her *everything* made us closer, she wasnt weird about it or anything.. and now I can see how important the friendship is and loving her in a platonic way..

I havent exactly come out yet, only 2 people know (and I have total homophobic parents) but Im starting to accept myself I think

Gotta love Ellen tho.. I wonder.. does anyone else feel this way - but when I see Ellen, I kind of feel calm on the inside, like its okay to be gay?

Sorry if that sounds lame!!

hi hmh! i feel the same way.. it's nice to see someone successfull like her and you know she's gay.. "inspiration?" :lol:

as with you starboarder, if she's really your bestfriend she must accept you as what you are right now.. accept you if you're really gay, straight or confused.. :)

[Loopy_loo]

ok, well im thick what can i say... what i said still applies, u need to tell her, otherwise its jus gunna eat u alive.. if ur worried abotu losing her as a friend, it will show her for what she really is, if she totally disowns u an u will b better off with out her, as harsh as that seems.

sorry , im tryin to help an i seem to b confusin things.

[mermaid]

Guys,
Forget the labels, feel and care with your heart. Once you role play, expectation will be high. follow what your heart say. feel the love you want to share and you will be surprise, the over flowing love you will recieve in return. Their will be Ups and Downs, but it's better to have love and lost , than never to have love at all. :D

[Razbo]

Girlz - I REALLY hope you don't take this the wrong way....

You have got to be TOTALLY honest with YOURSELF and your freind(s). I'm sure it will HURT you deeply (especially fearing losing a "best/close" friend), but if you can't be TRUE to yourself - you will NEVER be true to anyone!

How will you EVER know???????

Hang in there, please!!! And I'm hoping the best for you and your situation(s)!!!!!

Your buddy, Raz

[Kimmy266]

Gotta love Ellen tho.. I wonder.. does anyone else feel this way - but when I see Ellen, I kind of feel calm on the inside, like its okay to be gay?

Sorry if that sounds lame!!

Oh ohhh totally!!! I dont know what it is, but seeing her so happy with another woman and even on the show makes me smile. Its the highlight of my day to be honest.

[PortiadeRossi]

Alrighty...I don't know if this is going to help much...but in my life I'm the girl with the boyfriend and my best girl friend has just recently told me that she has feelings for me. So, I guess you could say I'm the other side of the spectrum.

We have been best friends for 7 years, have slept in the same bed, have showered and changed together, sharred are deepest darkest secrets....and when I got my last boyfriend I noticed a complete change in how she acted towards me. She always told me how much she hated him and was very distant. Then a few weeks ago she told me that she thought she was falling in love with me.

It was definitely a shock to the system, but I'm so proud of her for having the courage to tell me. It made things okward for a bit not knowing how to act around her with my boyfriend or wondering if hugging her or leaning against her was something I shouldn't do. But in the end you are still you. She was my best friend long before she was gay and will remain my best friend. Trust in the good in people. They just might surprise you. But give her some time to let it sink in. Don't expect her to be perfectly okay right away.

You can do it girl! Have faith.

[jkeim]

portia its nice to hear the other side of the story. and to you starboarder i was just wondering how everyting is going? Have you told your friend the truth? And if so how did she take it? If you had told her you probably would have written something. Just thought I should ask anyway :)

[incrediblolo]

wow, its amazing hearing all these stories, especially how they are so similar. I have the exact same story - falling in love with my best friend, the sleeping-in-the-same-bed stuff, waking up all the time, and being to scared to tell her. Well, I did have the same story - this happened to me over a year and a half ago, and Ive gotten over those feelings or her and see her just as a friend again now. Still its weird how they are all the same story! Well I guess its not really so weird, when I think about it i guess a lot of gay girls get crushes on their close friends. Its one of the hard things about realising your gay when your in your teens especially, when you get a crush on a guy you know from the start theres a chance he could like you back, that you could be together, but when you have a crush on a girl - no chance! And unrequited love is so painful! But you start finding signs she feels the same out of nothing, you convince yourself that maybe she likes you too. And I was so in denial about being gay, when she'd go out with a guy Id be crazy jealous, but Id think that was just coz she was my best friend and I was too possessive, though I knew the extent of my jealousy and possessiveness was way OTT, and Id ignore the way I felt like my heart was breaking. Actually, when I finally actually realised I was gay, it was like a huge weight being lifted from my shoulders coz so much stuff made sense. Anyway, this is way irrelevent now but I just wanted to share this with you after reading all these posts coz I never talked about this with anyone before, but man I wish Id had you guys to talk to back then! Would have made me feel so much better! So goodluck starboarder and everyone else out there in the same boat!
Sorry this is so long!!!

[i_love_ellen]

wow, its amazing hearing all these stories, especially how they are so similar. I have the exact same story - falling in love with my best friend, the sleeping-in-the-same-bed stuff, waking up all the time, and being to scared to tell her. Well, I did have the same story - this happened to me over a year and a half ago, and Ive gotten over those feelings or her and see her just as a friend again now. Still its weird how they are all the same story! Well I guess its not really so weird, when I think about it i guess a lot of gay girls get crushes on their close friends. Its one of the hard things about realising your gay when your in your teens especially, when you get a crush on a guy you know from the start theres a chance he could like you back, that you could be together, but when you have a crush on a girl - no chance! And unrequited love is so painful! But you start finding signs she feels the same out of nothing, you convince yourself that maybe she likes you too. And I was so in denial about being gay, when she'd go out with a guy Id be crazy jealous, but Id think that was just coz she was my best friend and I was too possessive, though I knew the extent of my jealousy and possessiveness was way OTT, and Id ignore the way I felt like my heart was breaking. Actually, when I finally actually realised I was gay, it was like a huge weight being lifted from my shoulders coz so much stuff made sense. Anyway, this is way irrelevent now but I just wanted to share this with you after reading all these posts coz I never talked about this with anyone before, but man I wish Id had you guys to talk to back then! Would have made me feel so much better! So goodluck starboarder and everyone else out there in the same boat!
Sorry this is so long!!!

awww.....im so happy you're happy now :) i can only imagine how weird it might feel to have those feelings,although,i can only imagine since im straight but hey i always try to put myself in other peoples shoes :) but hopefully all is well and all that matters is you're happy about who you are!