Advice: gf & getting back

[ztifirish]

I dated this girl 6 years ago. We broke up because she had a wedding to go to and she couldn't bring me because her family wouldn't understand so she went with a guy. We stayed friends which was a huge mistake. She starting dating this guy 3 years ago and we really didn't talk to much because of him. He just walked out on her this past week... now she is calling all the time and wanting to hang out blah blah blah... I don't know what to do, I just keep thinking that she is going to meet somone else and I'll be kicked to the curb again... any suggestions would help, please...

[Mushanga]

depends on what your feelings are for this girl. if it was me i would want to talk it out what happened those years ago. and that's it. i think, and this is my opinion that you shouldn't date this girl anymore. she is gonna hurt you again if she meets another guy. does she love you? it is easy to say those 3 words but do you feel that the really means it when she says it (if she says it). ask her what she wants. tell her that she hurt you. good luck with it.

[ztifirish]

I do love her... still which sucks... as for her I have no idea... sometimes I think she means it when she says it... sometimes I think she says it just to get me to do things for her... she doesn't know what she wants... I guess I just don't understand that after 6 years she still has this weird hold on me... any ideas how to make that feeling go away? My head is telling me to run as far away from her as I can but my heart is saying something different... stupid heart :stupid:

[Mushanga]

i've been there about 13 years ago. now i can say that i was stupid to start again with my ex. it lasted 4 months and then i met the woman i am still with (more than 11 years now).
she has to find out what she wants before you could start dating again. she knows hat she hurt you? did you tell her? what did she say? if you think that i ask too much you don't have to answer.

[ztifirish]

I'm glad your asking questions, I really can't talk to my friends or family about this because they kinda don't like her... which is completely understandable... I've told her on more than one occasion that she has hurt me in the past, most of the time she changes the subject or avoids it... its really hard to get her to talk about us... she usually says she needs me as a friend right now and if something happens it happens... OH the other day she said that what we have is special and talking about it would ruin that... what does that mean??? and if I forget, thank you for your help :) ...

[Mushanga]

to me it feels like she doesn't love you. sorry if that hurts you. but if she doesn't want to talk about it or avoids the subject that says a lot. maybe she just wants to use you sa she can feel better. and maybe what you 2 once had was great and talking about it would ruin it but you have to talk about it. maybe you could stay "just" friends. out there in this world is someone special for you. it could be her but it also could be another girl you meet and you miss out because of your friend. do you understand what i mean? i'm dutch so it is difficult for me to get the right words.
my advice is: go out, meet other people and who knows you will meet that special girl. don't waste time on somebody who doesn't know whta she wants. you'll get hurt again.
be there as a friend, maybe help her to get through this but stay true to yourself.
does that make any sence at all?

[smithy1219]

The same sort of thing happened to me and i was going out with this girl and we were together for quite a while and she then broke up with me and omg i have never cried so much. She the got with some guy.anyway they split up after a couple of weeks and she came back to me and wanted to get back together and well i rele wish i hadent bc 1 week later she dumped me again and went of with that guy so i just think you can try these things but personally i would just stay as friends.Just depends on what you want to do and feel is right.
sorry this is kinda long. :D

[RosaEngel]

I really don´t think you should be friends with her at all. It´s gonna hurt like hell because you´re still in love with her.
Just tell her that she can come to you when she´s made up her mind about who she loves.
It really sounds like she might love you because she´s thinking about getting back together with you/ or just thinking about you at all after three years she´s been with someone else.
If she´s ready to talk she can come to you until then tell her to stay away from you.
Don´t go for compromises with someone who has left you before

[Mushanga]

I really don´t think you should be friends with her at all. It´s gonna hurt like hell because you´re still in love with her.
Just tell her that she can come to you when she´s made up her mind about who she loves.
It really sounds like she might love you because she´s thinking about getting back together with you/ or just thinking about you at all after three years she´s been with someone else.
If she´s ready to talk she can come to you until then tell her to stay away from you.
Don´t go for compromises with someone who has left you before

i thought it over and i completely agree with you.

[RosaEngel]

thanks:-)
I didn´t read it at first too that she was still in love with her.
God, I tried being friends with someone a few years ago, I never felt so lousy in my life - aside from the time he dumped me (was a he then:-) )

[Elise]

I just wouldn't date her... Maybe it's hard but I just got dumped for the 2nd time and then you feel soo stupid... So if you don't want to feel stupid say no If you want say yes :P
:lol: Don't mind my stupid advice :P

[RosaEngel]

or she really means it and both will end up unhappy if they aren´t gonna try?
Later in life you are not gonna regret the things you did do but the things you didn´t do (if there´s a chance it might work out) even if it´s painful. i wouldn´t wanna miss my experience cause if i hadn´t tried it out with him i still would wonder if he might be the man of my life. and now i know that he´s an asshole and i don´t think about him anymore and can focus on other people.

[ztifirish]

Thank you for all the advice... I have been spending to much time thinking about this... I keep thinking that if its this hard to make the decsion on what to do that maybe I shouldn't... I have made myself unavailable to her the past couple of days... she's called but she's not pushing, which is so unlike her... which confuses me more... today's her birthday... which could explain things... she has done it before in the past... make nice and then CRUSH me... she's selfish like that...

[RosaEngel]

you´re very welcome.
i can imagine you´ve got a lot on your mind right now.
maybe you can be selfish this time and get to push her back. i think sometimes people only understand that they have to change if they know that they are gonna lose you forever. That´s how it went with my ex.
But the reason I got over the heartache is because I moved:-) Out of sight out of mind, sometimes it really works

[photo-nut]

Sounds to me that she enjoys the fact that she knows you still have feelings for her. I think she is being very selfish. relationships like that won't last and are not worth you wasted time. You could be looking for someone else. If this is what's going on, loose her. Get on with your life. It's difficult because of the way you feel. It will get better if you move on.

[petal]

...........relationships like that won't last and are not worth you wasted time........ Get on with your life. It's difficult because of the way you feel. It will get better if you move on.

Right on p-n!!!!! This girl is planning to USE U until someone "better" comes along - she's hoping you are a willing participant in her plan as you're still conveniently hanging around for her. Keep your distance if u possibly can & don't be her stop-gap relationship/sucker gal pal any more!!! :mad:

[ztifirish]

ok... so i posted this topic... and I listened to all the advice... but dumb ass me I went with my heart... this happened in MARCH!!!... I got back together with her... you would think that the last few months we had together would have made her realize... but of course... just like everyone said... I was wrong... I don't even know what to do right now... he came back and she took him back... reason, because she had a chance to make a family... granted the children she has, he is not the father... but she thinks a man makes a family... I don't have a hole to crawl in anymore and she keeps calling and emailing me... I know that I am a newbie and I know that I don't know most of you... but please... PLEASE... I need help... I need to get out of this feeling like everyone walks all over me... and I don't know how...

[petal]

You need to take time away from her calls & e-mails to pull yourself together & have some breathing room!!!! Don't reply to them. Tell yourself that you are better than that & you need to move on (hard, almost impossible that is for sure) but that is the only way to regain your life back. Take one day at a time ztifirish! If you would like to talk, u can PM me.

[Mushanga]

ok... so i posted this topic... and I listened to all the advice... but dumb ass me I went with my heart... this happened in MARCH!!!... I got back together with her... you would think that the last few months we had together would have made her realize... but of course... just like everyone said... I was wrong... I don't even know what to do right now... he came back and she took him back... reason, because she had a chance to make a family... granted the children she has, he is not the father... but she thinks a man makes a family... I don't have a hole to crawl in anymore and she keeps calling and emailing me... I know that I am a newbie and I know that I don't know most of you... but please... PLEASE... I need help... I need to get out of this feeling like everyone walks all over me... and I don't know how...

the calling and emailing almost sounds like stalking. maybe you could change your phone number and email provider?

[creusa]

Yes, don't respond to her emails anyway. If you see you have one, remove it, don't read it! I also really think you shouldn't see her anymore, she'll hurt you because you still have feelings for her.. Concentrate on other things..