relationship help...please

[hello164]

okay so I was recently involved in my first relationship with a girl, she's my best friend and I think we just grew closer over the years and it had to happen. She's amazing and beautiful and pretty much perfect. I broke up with her a couple of days ago. I'm just so confused about us, she loves me, but I dont think we were really in love, maybe we thought we were or wanted to be, I know I did, but when I actually sat down and looked at us, I realized we werent. Or I wasnt. I just convinced myslef I was. I dont like who Ive become lately and I know I need to sort out my life. Whe I told her she just cried and cried, I didnt know what to say and I hated that I couldnt make it better. I knew nothing I could say could help or mke the pain go away. She's still my best friend. I just dont know what to do now because I still have such strong feelings for her, I just dont think its love. There's also a boy. The last thing in the world that I want to do is hurt my ex, we're so close and I only want her to be okay and happy again. Im afraid I hurt her so badly. Im also just so confused about my life and what I want, I hate who Ive been. It seems like I just cant be happy and normal. Im always sad or depressed and I dont know what to do. I also think I may be losing some of my friends because Im changing but I dont know how to be myself again. I feel like the past few months just havent been real and tomorrow Ill find out I was daydreaming. Any help would be appreciated.

[hello164]

I also forgot to mention that she lives a state over so that made the relationship even harder. We dated for a few months (after she turned me down twice) and before she asked me out (finally) every breath hurt. The every moment she wasnt in my arms I just wanted to cry and sleep. But lately all those feeling have gone away. But its not just those or for her, I havent been able to feel anything. Its like Im constntly in this state where I cant be happy, sad, in pain, or anything. I just cant care about anything.

[soozi]

hi hello (theres gotta be a better way of saying that)
have you ever thought that you might be suffering from depression? one of the symptoms of it is not feeling anything, not being feeling bothered to do anything. it might be worse going to a doctor and getting checked out for it before it affects you life too badly.

[hello164]

I have thought about it actually. ive spent hours crying with my brother about how I cant feel, the only thing I can feel is the wish to be happy. My problem is Im fifteen and I wouldnt know how to talk to my parents about a way to slve it (therapists, medicine, etc.). Oh and for an easier way you can call me Cayt. I also still dont know what to do about my ex, I dont want her hurting like she is and I dont know how to fix my life. Thank you so much for response.

[soozi]

Sadly, about all i can say about your ex is that thats break ups unfortunatly. Nearly always one person gets hurt, but its always better in the long run. and if you're not well then you need to get that fixed before you can assess whether you need to be in a relationship or not.
Talk to your parents about how you feel, trust me they're usually more understanding than you'd expect them to be, they just want you to be well too so i doubt they'd be angry or anything.

[hello164]

Thanks. I guess Ill have to try since its all I can do right now, I cant handle staying this way so I know I have to do something.

[soozi]

hey well feel free to pm me or add me to msn, i prolly can sympathise more than you know

[smithy1219]

hi, i just wondered if you have considered talking to a teacher if you cant talk to a parent. I suffered from depression and i was close to one of my teachers and she would talk to me about thing and help me.

About the girlfriend thing well relationships dont always work out and everyone has to learn to deal with break-ups and trust me things do work out eventually. For example me and my girlfriend split up because she started to think she was straight and did not love me anymore but i loved her more than anything else and it hurt me alot when she told me but we gave each other space for a few months to give me time to get over it and even though i still love her and it still hurts when she talks about b/f's we are good friends and get on very well.

Just what ever you do, dont bottle it up because thats the mistake i made and it does you no favours. Make sure you find someone to talk to who will listen and you trust.

Hope this helps :)