Help me please!!!

[julie_11]

I’m new here so I thought I would just say hello to everyone. I have been reading here for a couple of mounts, but I then decided to join you guys.

I have sort of an issue. So here goes. I’m 19 years old and about two and a half year ago I fell in love with another girl. She was my best friend. I didn’t give it too much thought I just thought that I was so attracted to her because we were such good friends. And I talked to her about everything. No one knew, but we were together. The relationship ended when she moved to another city. We had then been together for two years. Somehow some kid at my school found out about us, but this was after she had moved away. He told the whole school, or at least the whole school knew about it at the end of the weekend.

The kids at my school gave me a really hard time. I feel guilty that my friends found out about it like that, and not from me. But I wasn’t ready to tell people. I should also mention that I have been depressed for about 18 months. Also I suffer from social anxiety. All of this started before my ex moved, but it was so much easier to deal with when I had her in my life. I don’t really have any friends that I can be totally honest with. Some of my former friends didn’t want to be seen with me after this. But there are a few who has been really sweet about it.

Anyway, this Christmas I dropped out of school. I just couldn’t go back there anymore with the kids saying all these horrible things to me. I spend every single day dreading the next one. I’m supposed to start at my school again this fall. I just don’t know what to do. I’m afraid that if I do go back that it will be as awful as it was. And also I live at home with my parents, but they don’t know about the kids giving me a hard time. They also didn’t know about sara, that is her name by the way. I know I have to tell them at some point, but I just don’t think I’m ready yet. I just would appreciate any advice you guys could give me. So thank you in advance.

[Elise]

WOHA!!! 8O I'm in exactly the same situation and my Gf is also called Sarah :lol: well oki not the totally the same... I still have to go to school and stuff... and they don't tease me that worse because they don't know (only a few of them know it...) But I'm kinda depressed and stuff I was just searching on google for 'the best ways to kill yourself'... And in school I can't talk to annyone... And I became soo quiet that some poeple in my class felt that i was soo weak that they started teasing me...
Anyway...

Greezt!
~Elise

P.S: OOOOH I fergot something...
http://content.pimp-my-profile.com/graphics/set13/dottywlcm.png (http://www.pimp-my-profile.com/graphics/view.php?g=1554&c=Welcome)

[Sankofa]

First of all julie_11 let me welcome you to the site. I'm sure you'll like it here.
Second, I'm really sorry for what you are going through. I'm sure it's very hard to deal with people finding out about your bussiness and losing friends and all. Everyone goes through rough things growing up, but I truly think that it depends on how you take things. I think that everyone has the strength to get through hard things, you just have to find it. You are so young and still have alot of people to meet and things to experience to just let yourself fall deeper and deeper in to depression. Hang with the friends that do support you and try not to pay attention to the others. Focus your energy in school and think that when you finish you'll do things. You know you can move away to another city or travel or whatever it is that you want to do.
As far as your parents go I'm sure that you'll know when the time is right to talk to them.
Hang in there. This can feel like the end of the world, but it's not.
Again WELCOME!!!

[Humanafterall]

Julie welcome to this site.

To Julie and Elise
I am just sorry we couldn't meet in different circumstances.

I am sorry you felt that you had to quit school to get away from the hurtful tauntings in your high school life. I hope one day The people who you once called friends, will mature in a couple of years and perhaps seek you out. If they don't....well you can make new friends.

In the meantime. Julie, I love that you are going back to school, next year. That is a very mature and courageous thing to do.
As tough as the high school years are, you just may be amazed when you look back, in a couple of years, and discover...why was that such a big deal.

I guess I'm not helping much, with present advice. But doll, high school is so tough. So, yes I agree with Sankofa you should focus on your school work and be the best student you can be. Perhaps write in a journal or wherever your thoughts and feelings. A lot can be said for the written word.

Then when you graduate in a year (a couple for you Elise) you can explore yourself and the world around you. The best is yet to come. ;)

Peace
Kate (Remember at the end of the day, we are ALL Human After All)

[Sankofa]

Human is right! Never underestimate the written word!!!

[julie_11]

thank you. i do appreciate you guys for writing. And to you elise I really feel for you. I just hope that you can get through this and that you get the chance to tell people on your terms and when you are ready.

Sakofa, I think that on some level I know that I have to get out and meet new people. I’m working on it, but its hard. And as for you humanafterall thank for de advice. I do keep a journal. It has helped me a lot especially when I felt I had no one to talk to….

[Sankofa]

I'm glad I could help.

[KellyD]

Julie,

I'm really sorry to hear that you have had to go through such a rough time just because of who you are. I've gone through what you've gone through. I told a friend that I was a lesbian in grade eight, she was cool with it, until we got into a fight, next thing I knew the very next day everyone at school knew, and for the rest of the year I was the one that was bullied and harrassed everyday because of my sexual preference. At the beginning of high school a lot of people still gave me a hard time, and I became really depressed as well. I eventually started doing drugs and eventually dropped outta school. I managed to turn my life around with the help of friends and family and went back to school. People still bugged me, but I knew that I had to be strong, I knew that I had to focus on my school work. Being stong and showing people that what they were saying wasn't hurting me anymore, for the most part it eventually stopped. I made new friends that have not judged me because of my sexual preference and stuck up for me to the people that had a problem with it. Because of my new friends, I was able to graduate from high school and move on with my life. And the funny thing is, the people that bugged me before and gave me such a hard time are now LESBIANS!!

I don't think you needed my life story lol..but I just wanted to let you know that I've been there. I hope that when you start school again you can make new friends, friends that will stick up for you and dont care about who you really are. I also hope that you can be strong and get through it!!! I hope that helps

[klaran]

The kids at my school gave me a really hard time. I feel guilty that my friends found out about it like that, and not from me. But I wasn’t ready to tell people. I should also mention that I have been depressed for about 18 months. Also I suffer from social anxiety. All of this started before my ex moved, but it was so much easier to deal with when I had her in my life. I don’t really have any friends that I can be totally honest with. Some of my former friends didn’t want to be seen with me after this. But there are a few who has been really sweet about it.
There is no need for guilt on your part for this, in my opinion. Sexual preference is a very personal thing, and not something you are obligated to share with anybody but yourself. I was depressed for about 4 years myself, before I went and sorta kinda turned my life around, I was not depressed because of anything to do with my sexual preferences though, so the comparison ends with the depression itself. I also had and to a lesser extent still have social anxiety, which I know can be really tough. "Picture them in their underwear", never really did it for me either. Slowly learning to be comfortable with myself though, is doing the trick.


Anyway, this Christmas I dropped out of school. I just couldn’t go back there anymore with the kids saying all these horrible things to me. I spend every single day dreading the next one. I’m supposed to start at my school again this fall. I just don’t know what to do. I’m afraid that if I do go back that it will be as awful as it was. And also I live at home with my parents, but they don’t know about the kids giving me a hard time. They also didn’t know about sara, that is her name by the way. I know I have to tell them at some point, but I just don’t think I’m ready yet. I just would appreciate any advice you guys could give me. So thank you in advance.
I recently wrote the following excerpt to a friend of mine, and I think you might find it useful:

-There is one thing I really learned the last couple of months, if you shit until you hit the roof, poop will fall on your head. You really have to take what you can get right, to clean up everything that goes wrong.

Though you are not at fault for what has happened to you, you are suffering the consequences, and by suffering the consequences you have automatically become a major playing piece in the game.

I just turned to writing without any conscious thought, and wrote every concern I had away, I got it out in the open and out of my system, and found peace after doing this, every single time. What helped me was finding that one little tissue, easy to recycle, to wipe away most of the bad things.

Things will never be perfect, and depressions usually do not just fade. Social anxiety can last a lifetime, and there is the possibility that people will be a pain in your life most of the time. But it is in your hands how you experience any of this, that is the one choice only you can make, and the one choice nobody can take from you, ever.

If nothing else, you will have at least experienced kindness on this forum, in this thread, so you have at the very least an indication, of how great people can be.

[Rocket]

It's High School ladies. If they weren't teasing you about being gay it would be something else. They're not mature enough to handle such an adult subject.

It's a shame that somebody has to find out they're gay at such an early age that their peers aren't mature enough to understand it....another one of gods' major screw ups.