Comming out

[smithy1219]

Hi, I was wondering if anyone had any advice because tomorrow im planning on comming out to my boss and most of my work mates. Its just I started this new job about 2 months ago and im getting on really well with all of them and I think they should know and I hate constantly lying to them about this part of me. My boss will be the first person I would tell because although she is my boss she is also one of my best friends and we get on really well and she has asked my why I seem depressed lately and well to cut a long story short she just said talk to me when you want to and when your ready and I have been thinking about telling her im gay tomorrow, but im having doubts. Any advice would be really appreciated as im kinda scared about it and not sure if its the right thing to do! :?

[Black_Lady]

actually i dont think thats a good idea.
cuz it is gonna hard to be knowin about u (for ur partners)
cuz u r rookie, yet.And most of gays cant work in their own like other ordinary workmates..there is a lot boss act like homofobic..

[petal]

You need to listen to what your heart tells you tomorrow - maybe if "the Boss" is a closs friend and you feel comfortable with her, by all means you should confide in her, but perhaps wait a while to tell the others. You need to be totally comfortable with the situation & be able to cope with how your workmates will take it.

[frame88]

This is absolutely crazy...but I'm struggling with the fact that I may be gay. I seriously can't believe I just typed that. It's one thing to say it in your head, or at least go about it in some fashion or another, but to actually say it...? I'm struggling with it...bad. It's to the point where I'm making myself physically sick. I'm so stressed I can't sleep, I keep getting headaches. I'm only 18, there's no way, I mean...how could I ever tell anyone?

[petal]

This is absolutely crazy...but I'm struggling with the fact that I may be gay........... I'm struggling with it...bad. It's to the point where I'm making myself physically sick. I'm so stressed I can't sleep, I keep getting headaches. I'm only 18, there's no way, I mean...how could I ever tell anyone?

First off, just calm down. Some people can cope from the get-go & others may take YEARS trying to work it all out. You sure have come to the right place on here - there's lots of threads about people's struggles and experiences to read about.

You will work yourself out over time & decide when/if you want to tell ANYONE.

Just remember to keep your chin up & be proud of who you are as a person. :)

[frame88]

Thank you. Really...thank you. There's just so much more that goes with it. I come from a strong Christian background. Unfortunately, Christianity and gay...no mix. That right there is probably my number one problem. Next comes the parents. After that; I guess that if I came out, I wouldn't want to be defined just as being gay. There is just so much more to me.

[petal]

I fully understand where you're coming from frame88, I also live in a deeply Christian community & would be burned in hell for my feelings (but hey -we can only feel what we feel!!!) It's so hard to be a Christian when some "fello" Christians despise us just because we're gay. My standard thoughts about those types - "it sucks to be you".

[3llen]

i dont know how much pressure you guys might have for coming out but all i want to say that i admire all of you for being so strong and standing up for yourselves but to me its ridiculious how some people cannot accept the way some people want to live! like my friend she came out and our whole class started treating her differently i felt so bad for her its just not right at all for anyone to be treated that way. "speak your mind even if your voice shakes" thats my motto!

[sunshine6]

I would hold off on telling the boss. Why does she need to know?? You don't need to mix your professional and personal lives. I've told a few people at my place of employment, but not my boss. As much as I don't like to hide it or "lie"..I just don't think it's necessary for my boss and most of my other co-workers to know. You should try to keep the relationship more on a professional level...mixing the two together can cause problems in the end for you. You know what's best for yourself...just take caution...you never know how people will react and it would suck to be judged and discriminated at work for something that is a personal matter. Good luck to you! I've been there! Being gay is a constant coming out process your entire life. Tell the people that matter to you and let the rest be oblivious. "Those that matter don't mind...those that mind don't matter!"---had to throw a cheesy line in there for you all! :)

[zoeak]

I just wanna say that coming out or not coming out has to come from inside you. It's such an emotional thing and both trying to be out and open when you're not ready or staying closeted when it makes you feel like a liar can be very painful. We can never know how people will react, but we can decide how to live our lives, and you shouldn't let anyone make you feel ashamed of who you are. You also shouldn't let anyone talk you into coming out for reasons other than your own. It's such a terrible cliché, but as long as the world is what it is, it's really only ourselves that we can control. It may be none of your co-workers business, but if being closeted is making you feel bad, they should be the ones to deal with it, because you shouldn't be forced to lie because you're worried about how they'll react. (I'm just a walking talking visibility ad, aren't I...) Basically, I just wanna make the point, again, that it's your decision, and you have to follow your heart.

[smithy1219]

I thought I would tell u guys that I did tell my boss because she is not just my boss but a good friend and this is what the problem was. Although she is my boss, we go out together out of work with other colleagues and it was very hard keeping a big part of my life from her. We sat down and talked for about an hour and a half after work and I told her and she was absolutely fine and very accepting and offered help if I ever needed it. She also said if I ever needed to talk about it she would be there for me and looking back on it im glad I did do it because it’s made me feel allot more comfortable being around her.

I do think though if she was not such a good friend and just my boss I would not have told her but as we are so close it felt ok to. Another helpful thing was that she did tell me that allot of the people in our department will not be so accepting and that spreading the fact im gay would be a bad idea. She did say though if I did start to get problems she would sort things out straight away.

It was about a month now since I told her and things have been great at work. We get on even better now and we talk about stuff a lot. We do stay professional and she does shout at me for doing something stupid every now and then but we get over it and I will apologise and get on with my job.

I would personally say though unless you really trust and get on with someone not to come out to them as I have made this mistake before and it was the worst 5 years of my life while that person was still around. Anyway thanks for the advice and good luck to anyone who is thinking on coming out.

It’s just my parents to tell now!!!

[frame88]

That's great advice, thank you for shareing your story. I'm glad everything worked out between you and your boss. Let us know how things go with your parents when ever you feel the time is right. Thanks.

[smithy1219]

I have been thinking about telling my parents for a couple of months now but I did get some advice from someone once that maybe I should wait till I am in a stable relationship with some and then tell them because then I have someone to support me encase anything goes wrong. I think it may take quite a bit of time as I really don’t think im really ready to tell them…and well I don’t have a girlfriend at the moment as we split up a few months back.

Im sure with time things will sort themselves out, I hope! Thanks