PortiaDRFan
08-05-2007, 05:26 AM
Hey, I'm new here...well I've been lurking for awhile. I've never "chatted" on a msg board before, so a little nervous but I don't quite know where else to turn to (don't worry its not really dramatic or anything. I hate drama so I try to just skip it altogether). You all seem like great, understanding, and insightful people so I'm hoping someone can at least give a little input. I really don't know what to expect and I'm sure you've heard this type of situation before or something similar.
Ok here it goes, (I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible)...I've known an employee of mine, who has become a really good friend, for a little over 3yrs now. I never in a million years would've expected to feel certain feelings for, of all people, a girl. I've never experienced these emotions before, as I do when it comes to her. Usually my crushes have been guys. I'm still trying to get over a crush on a certain guy. Anyways, I feel like its one of those situations where you want something but you can never have it. It sucks but oh well. I'm dealing with it.
The twist is, is that when we first met, she was the one that was always "obsessed" w/me (at least that's how others described her actions towards me). She would get jealous if she'd see me just talking to someone else. She took my phone and went into it just to get my phone number. She constantly was askin me questions about myself (I figure they were just "trying to get to know" type of Qs). She was always trying to get me to go to her house, even on holidays. She even admitted that she'd talk about me constantly when she was w/her family. Buuuut then something happened and I kind of strayed away from her (That's a story on its own). Well, finally when I decided to get "reaquainted" with her, I started to...I guess you could say Fall...for her. But by then almost a year had past so she'd grown up more and gained her own confidence and what not. It just seems like the tables have turned, or the roles are reversed. But she has no idea, where as I did know back then. She had always made it clear as to how much I meant to her ('mind you, she is straight). She has changed my life, for the good, in so many ways and she doesn't even know it. We eventually got super close since we've gotten past our, what we like to call "drift".
Ok, here's a major factor in this whole thing...there's a 7yr age gap between us. We both have discussed it countless times. It doesn't bother us and I have even met her family and they are extremely cool w/her hanging out w/me. Hell, her younger sister is pretty much a sister to me too. Her family has pretty much become like a family to me. Thats how close I've gotten to the family and how accepting they've been toward me. They are beyond wonderful. And very understanding, which I've even told her. For her parents to be so great about their daughter, that is still in H.S., to be hanging out w/someone in their mid 20s. I can't even begin to explain just how cool the whole family is. Put it this way- If my guy crush decided to finally give us a try but at the same time she too would, by chance say that she too likes me, then I'd choose her over him.
I guess I just wish there was a way to find out how she really feels about us, w/out being obvious. I'm scared that if I just come right out and ask her or tell her how I've been feeling, that she will walk away from our friendship altogether. Its too deep of a connection that we already have to risk. Even others have made comments about us, but we don't let it get to us. When we're together, its like we have to remind ourselves that we are not a couple. Now she's getting into the whole dating (guys) phase, which is fine. She needs to go through all those experiences that a person goes through in high school. But I do get a little jealous I'll admit. I just can't help but think of all the "what ifs", like what if I were to tell her how I feel...would she drop the guy and give us a chance or would she shrug it off. Who knows. Once again, I'm very aware of the age gap and that it probably isn't the best thing but I just can't help it. I have become overwhelmed by it all. I'm really hoping my guy crush just comes and sweeps me off my feet...it'll just be easier that way. I haven't talked to her or seen her in, probably, a good month so it's kind of made it easier for me to get over her and at the same time it's tearing me a part b/c the fact that I haven't seen or heard from her. Granted I'm kind of also trying to purposely distance myself from her. Yet no matter what, as of right now, she still holds my heart.
So I guess what I'm hoping, from you, is to just get some input or What would you do if you were in this situation type thing. Once again, I'm sure you've heard something somewhat similar to this, but I could use some good advice. I'm sorry it got sooo long, I tried to keep it as short as possible...obviously I didn't quite accomplish that. Thanks for your time though.
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side note: Ellen rules! I'm not just some random person, don't worry. I came across this site while looking up Ellen stuff.
Ok here it goes, (I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible)...I've known an employee of mine, who has become a really good friend, for a little over 3yrs now. I never in a million years would've expected to feel certain feelings for, of all people, a girl. I've never experienced these emotions before, as I do when it comes to her. Usually my crushes have been guys. I'm still trying to get over a crush on a certain guy. Anyways, I feel like its one of those situations where you want something but you can never have it. It sucks but oh well. I'm dealing with it.
The twist is, is that when we first met, she was the one that was always "obsessed" w/me (at least that's how others described her actions towards me). She would get jealous if she'd see me just talking to someone else. She took my phone and went into it just to get my phone number. She constantly was askin me questions about myself (I figure they were just "trying to get to know" type of Qs). She was always trying to get me to go to her house, even on holidays. She even admitted that she'd talk about me constantly when she was w/her family. Buuuut then something happened and I kind of strayed away from her (That's a story on its own). Well, finally when I decided to get "reaquainted" with her, I started to...I guess you could say Fall...for her. But by then almost a year had past so she'd grown up more and gained her own confidence and what not. It just seems like the tables have turned, or the roles are reversed. But she has no idea, where as I did know back then. She had always made it clear as to how much I meant to her ('mind you, she is straight). She has changed my life, for the good, in so many ways and she doesn't even know it. We eventually got super close since we've gotten past our, what we like to call "drift".
Ok, here's a major factor in this whole thing...there's a 7yr age gap between us. We both have discussed it countless times. It doesn't bother us and I have even met her family and they are extremely cool w/her hanging out w/me. Hell, her younger sister is pretty much a sister to me too. Her family has pretty much become like a family to me. Thats how close I've gotten to the family and how accepting they've been toward me. They are beyond wonderful. And very understanding, which I've even told her. For her parents to be so great about their daughter, that is still in H.S., to be hanging out w/someone in their mid 20s. I can't even begin to explain just how cool the whole family is. Put it this way- If my guy crush decided to finally give us a try but at the same time she too would, by chance say that she too likes me, then I'd choose her over him.
I guess I just wish there was a way to find out how she really feels about us, w/out being obvious. I'm scared that if I just come right out and ask her or tell her how I've been feeling, that she will walk away from our friendship altogether. Its too deep of a connection that we already have to risk. Even others have made comments about us, but we don't let it get to us. When we're together, its like we have to remind ourselves that we are not a couple. Now she's getting into the whole dating (guys) phase, which is fine. She needs to go through all those experiences that a person goes through in high school. But I do get a little jealous I'll admit. I just can't help but think of all the "what ifs", like what if I were to tell her how I feel...would she drop the guy and give us a chance or would she shrug it off. Who knows. Once again, I'm very aware of the age gap and that it probably isn't the best thing but I just can't help it. I have become overwhelmed by it all. I'm really hoping my guy crush just comes and sweeps me off my feet...it'll just be easier that way. I haven't talked to her or seen her in, probably, a good month so it's kind of made it easier for me to get over her and at the same time it's tearing me a part b/c the fact that I haven't seen or heard from her. Granted I'm kind of also trying to purposely distance myself from her. Yet no matter what, as of right now, she still holds my heart.
So I guess what I'm hoping, from you, is to just get some input or What would you do if you were in this situation type thing. Once again, I'm sure you've heard something somewhat similar to this, but I could use some good advice. I'm sorry it got sooo long, I tried to keep it as short as possible...obviously I didn't quite accomplish that. Thanks for your time though.
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side note: Ellen rules! I'm not just some random person, don't worry. I came across this site while looking up Ellen stuff.