Advice needed… plz….?

[syndrome]

I need some advice to solve my problem. The other night, my mama threatened me that she’ll kill me if I turned out to be gay. I am already 21 and a newly licensed nurse. I grew up in a very strict, conservative, religious and traditional family so expressions of feelings and emotions are not allowed. My family was quite cold and demanding and repressing. I was shocked upon hearing those words, it is the first time that she threatened someone, and I’m her daughter. I had a girlfriend in college which made my life miserable at the end of our relationship , she left me for a guy while I’m away doing my internship in Manila. She told me that she can’t be with someone who is a coward. I’m so afraid to tell my mom that I’m gay, it will hurt her a lot but I cannot live in a closet forever.:( I don’t want to jump into another relationship while the issue is not yet settled with my family. I love my mama a lot but she does not care about my feelings. I really don’t know what to do, and can’t talk the matter to my friends right now so I thought I’ll seek some advice here in the forum. thanx

[drummonger]

Bless your heart! I don't wanna give you any bad advise, as I was very "lucky" in the family department. Join me in the chat room.

[One]

You have the right to be whoever you want to be. And don’t apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. Either they accept it or they don't. Be honest to yourself and to the people you love and the rest will follow.

[syndrome]

You have the right to be whoever you want to be. And don’t apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. Either they accept it or they don't. Be honest to yourself and to the people you love and the rest will follow.

did i say she threatened me with a knife on my face?:(

[JamieLove]

I need some advice to solve my problem. The other night, my mama threatened me that she’ll kill me if I turned out to be gay. I am already 21 and a newly licensed nurse. I grew up in a very strict, conservative, religious and traditional family so expressions of feelings and emotions are not allowed. My family was quite cold and demanding and repressing. I was shocked upon hearing those words, it is the first time that she threatened someone, and I’m her daughter. I had a girlfriend in college which made my life miserable at the end of our relationship , she left me for a guy while I’m away doing my internship in Manila. She told me that she can’t be with someone who is a coward. I’m so afraid to tell my mom that I’m gay, it will hurt her a lot but I cannot live in a closet forever.:( I don’t want to jump into another relationship while the issue is not yet settled with my family. I love my mama a lot but she does not care about my feelings. I really don’t know what to do, and can’t talk the matter to my friends right now so I thought I’ll seek some advice here in the forum. thanx

I feel a lot for you.... We could by our own experience give you a ton of advices, but myself I discovered that advices depend on diffrent situations and personalities.... Of course maybe she saids it now and she might just settle in time.... I do think that you have to do it the moment you're think you're ready the face it... When you're sure you can answer all the due questions she might ask...

Honestly... I am very happy... As I did not realy had to come out... Growing up, things that I said and did made it quite obvious from very young.... Now it doesn't mean that every one accepts it... My grandparents still do not talk to me .... And my brother has done a long time to accept the way I am... Aldough he's still septic and sometimes I notice he's ashamed....

In any case I think you've can count on quite a lot of moral suport of us all here!!!!

[One]

did i say she threatened me with a knife on my face?:(
that's not moral anymore, that's criminal if she did so

[lostioz]

any update on this? just curious

[midwesta]

I really don't think many can give you any advice even if they have been in your situation. It's sad to say,but there are many people who do not talk to their family for years because of certain situation including yours. Whatever you do, someone is going to end up miserable and hurt,but why should it be you? If my family didn't want me to date a white,asian,hispanic ect guy,I certainly could not see myself conforming to their ideas. It's easy for me or anyone else to tell you to do this or that,but we haven't lived and known your mother for a X amount of years,so... all I can say is good luck and I will pray for you,but update us. At least you can be happy in your personal life. Just don't tell her when it's just the two of y'all in a room.

[vanblue2003]

did i say she threatened me with a knife on my face?:(

can you go to the police for that? wow...

do you live with your mom? i hope everything is ok in the meantime. if she is acting hostile toward you...i think the best thing would be to leave. realistically speaking...there are just some people you should get away from.

[syndrome]

hello... thank you guys for all your comments, suggestions and advice.
i am living with my family and still unemployed. i got no money to run away or leave home. i am still dependent to my parents when it comes to money matters though i earn a little from my business. my country is very different from the rest of you guys. very traditional and conservative. the girls/women in my family are not allowed to leave the house unless she is married already or is working far from home. it would be a great shame if i will report what had happened to the police,it was just like a very ordinary family problem to some. you know, trying to discipline and giving the kid a lesson.

[syndrome]

they wouldn't aloow me to watch TEDS because according to them it promotes homosexuality. i even had a fight with my father about that topic so i had to watch it at 1am when everyone is sleeping.

my work will start in january and after my contract expires, i will move the the capital to find and create my own life. being a nurse provides more oppurtunity to work abroad, i wanted to go to a place where no one will control my life.

[i_love_ellen]

can i ask what country you're from?

[syndrome]

can i ask what country you're from?

philippines

[vanblue2003]

that's horrible :(

edited to say, its not horrible that you're from the Philippines. its horrible they way they think.

and good for you for becoming a nurse. :)

[syndrome]

that's horrible :(

edited to say, its not horrible that you're from the Philippines. its horrible they way they think.

and good for you for becoming a nurse. :)


yeah. thanks

[i_love_ellen]

that's horrible :(

edited to say, its not horrible that you're from the Philippines. its horrible they way they think.

and good for you for becoming a nurse. :)
I agree! Look i don't think we can give you advice that will help because i could easily say you need to get out of there if your life is in danger. But, i come from a different culture so what may seem 'the right thing to do' may not....infact may put you in even more danger. I'm praying for you and the only advice that i can offer is to be safe. My thoughts go out to you. I really hope you find happiness one day whatever form it may be.

[AnastasiaBeavrhausen]

I agree, document everything and go the the cops. Seriously. Put a restraining order on her. I know you love her, but you fear for your life and hey, its not worth it. Come out loud and proud regardless of what your mama would say. Thats just my opinion... :) Hang in there.