Verbal Abuse in the Work Place

[bgfilly]

I'm 25 years old and have been working at a law firm as a Legal secretary for going on 5 years now. At first it was never as bad as it is today but recently the verbal abuse that has been coming from my boss has been 100 times worse that it use to be. I have put up with it for so long that I feel as if I am trapped. I have been looking for a new job for over a year now as I am studying Animal Biology in school and working my way towards a degree in Veterinary Medicine. However, it is very hard to find a Job in Chicago at the moment with things being the way they are economically.

Here are a few examples of how things have been bad.

I do my best here considering that it is just me and I have no help whatsoever and anything that he does is last minute. He will throw something on my desk in his own hand writing and will leave so I have no way to decipher it. So occassionlly I will mistake one word for something else resulting in a typo. The man goes insane calls me every kind of demaning name he can think of and makes me feel entirely stupid.

The second one has become more frequent lately it and it is regarding my sexuatliy. I make no effort to hide the fact that I am a lesbian but i also make no effort to announce it to the entire clientell. He insists that I keep my mouth shut, which i do unless asked. I am not going to hide who I am. But every mistake I make in this office is an extension of my sexuailty. I got called a fucking dyke by him today and it really upset me.

I am a student as I mentioend before and I leave a bit early on two days a week so that I can attend classes. Well he is friends with my father now and he is at my house on the nights that I am in school and i have even seen him outside of my school. He is stalking me and I am not sure what I should do about it.

I have problems with my paycheck and there are many other issues.

I am looking for some advice. I know I should quit but there are two reasons why I dont, number one I loose any income that I have and with not being able to find a job right away I dont know how long I will be able to hold on. The second reason is that I will loose my insurance and I have certain medical issues that need to be taken care of. If there is any advice that anyone can offer I would greatly appricate it.

Filly

[Sleepless]

I'm 25 years old and have been working at a law firm as a Legal secretary for going on 5 years now. At first it was never as bad as it is today but recently the verbal abuse that has been coming from my boss has been 100 times worse that it use to be. I have put up with it for so long that I feel as if I am trapped. I have been looking for a new job for over a year now as I am studying Animal Biology in school and working my way towards a degree in Veterinary Medicine. However, it is very hard to find a Job in Chicago at the moment with things being the way they are economically.

Here are a few examples of how things have been bad.

I do my best here considering that it is just me and I have no help whatsoever and anything that he does is last minute. He will throw something on my desk in his own hand writing and will leave so I have no way to decipher it. So occassionlly I will mistake one word for something else resulting in a typo. The man goes insane calls me every kind of demaning name he can think of and makes me feel entirely stupid.

The second one has become more frequent lately it and it is regarding my sexuatliy. I make no effort to hide the fact that I am a lesbian but i also make no effort to announce it to the entire clientell. He insists that I keep my mouth shut, which i do unless asked. I am not going to hide who I am. But every mistake I make in this office is an extension of my sexuailty. I got called a fucking dyke by him today and it really upset me.

I am a student as I mentioend before and I leave a bit early on two days a week so that I can attend classes. Well he is friends with my father now and he is at my house on the nights that I am in school and i have even seen him outside of my school. He is stalking me and I am not sure what I should do about it.

I have problems with my paycheck and there are many other issues.

I am looking for some advice. I know I should quit but there are two reasons why I dont, number one I loose any income that I have and with not being able to find a job right away I dont know how long I will be able to hold on. The second reason is that I will loose my insurance and I have certain medical issues that need to be taken care of. If there is any advice that anyone can offer I would greatly appricate it.

Filly

Hi Filly,
yes l have some advice for you, tell the police about him stalking you, and tell your parents , and then get a lwyer and sue his ass for harrassment, this is auful, and before you quit try to tape the conversation or take pics of him stalking you, better still get someone else to do it, you need hard evidence in court so they need to hear him being abusive and see pics of him stalking you, once you have this evidence you have him by the balls, choose a no win no fee lawyer, he sounds like a nasty piece of crap that needs to be stopped, please get all the evidence before you quit, i know its hard to put up with him, but he needs to be stopped in his tracks!! hope this helps, this is bad news, don't let him get away with this, good luck!!

[Razbo]

bgfilly,

I feel so very bad for you and the awful, degrading situation you are in. Sleepless has the best advice, girl. Get yourself the evidence -- it should be easy to set a tape recorder in the drawer of your desk (out of site) and keep a camera with you at all times. It's so important to first have the evidence as it's gonna be your word against his since you say you're the only one in the office.

I also totally agree that you must contact the authorities and must, must tell your parents. Don't be ashamed...it is not your fault. Your boss is a worthless ******* and needs to go to jail for that kind of horrible behavior and harassment!!! You're parents will help you if they only knew what you're going thru!!

Just try and hang in there and don't quit until you have the evidence. Maybe even the authorities would put a detective on this as it's a very hard harassment case.

Good luck...I'm praying for you girl. Keep us posted.

[bgfilly]

I went to the police about the stalking but I was told that they cannot do anything about it unless he tries something. Because stalking is not illegal unless there is intent to harm. Unfortunately he is also friends with my dad and is invited into our home so I have no proof and as for getting him on video tape that is illegal here in illinois to tape someone without their verbal or written concent. So either way there isn't anything I can do about the stalking.

ETA my parents have been told and they couldnt give two shits worth a dime, pardon my language. But thats a whole nother story for a whole different day

[AnastasiaBeavrhausen]

OMG that story is horrific. There has to be an ACLU or something you can contact, like the HRC or something for advice. What a jerk. But just remember that hes putting you down just to make himself feel better and so he must be miserable living like that... I know that doesn't help, but when I had supervisors do that to me, I have a big mouth and I go off the handle... and call them on it. I was fired for it once (long story) but never regret calling him out and being a hypocrite and I did it in front of the entire company. I still see him in town and the man is 6'7" tall and very intimidating and people are afraid of him because of his temper and he still can't look me in the eye. Because he knew I was right. He even threatening me by saying "If you weren't a woman, I'd take you out back and beat the shit out of you." and I go "Are you threatening me?" and hes like "I am powerful and no one will believe your story..." and people did because he was a walking time bomb and had did it before, I was the one with the only guts to say something... yeah I lost my job and got a crappy job until I found something better, but it was worth it and I know it haunts him... I can tell... the jerk. Hang in there hon, document everything!!!!!! Then get a lawyer or some sort of pro bono lawyer that will help you out... that just sucks for you and it is discrimination and its breaking the law...

[drummonger]

Get Out NOW! You're better than that!!!

[bgfilly]

I wish it was simple and that I could get out now. Like I said before its difficult to find a job even a crappy job and I have way too much to take care of and cant afford to be jobless. I'm just praying that I can find something simple at this point I am looking for a new job and then once I am out im gonna report him to the Attorney Registration and Diciplinary comission and the EEOC but until there there isnt much I can do other than keep a diary.

[jlilest]

I wish I knew what to say, but I don't, so just take care of yourself.

Keep good records of what he says and does.

It might also be worth seeing if you can contact previous employees, I doubt you are the first or last person he treated this way.

[petal]

I'm so sorry to read about your situation. There are authorities to go to after gathering the evidence, but you've been given great advice by other Forum members so there's nothing extra to add as far as thats concerned.

My concern is based on your parent's lack of action in backing you up! Can you tell us why they are not supporting you? Perhaps we can help a bit more when we know what's going on with them, as parents/friends/relatives are so important to support us throughout life & particularly in such a difficult & stressful situation that you're currently facing.

[bgfilly]

To make a long story short, I'm a Lesbian, they are homophobes, I've been disowned. They barely even speak to me when they are not yelling at me about my lifestyle

[irock4u]

your situation really sucks:mad: especially the parents knowing part and not having their supposedly paternal instinct in protecting you. Please protect yourself carry around a knife or something he is stalking you only a matter of time before he gets enough stupidy to try something...you are a strong courageous person.

[bgfilly]

I doubt he will try something. I think it's just a matter of him wanting to know if I am really in school or not. Cause I havent seen him anywhere else that I have been. I have been keeping a viligent eye out. Nonetheless I am positively sure I can handle him. I have had 3 years of self defense training.

[Sleepless]

To make a long story short, I'm a Lesbian, they are homophobes, I've been disowned. They barely even speak to me when they are not yelling at me about my lifestyle


whatever you are, you are in danger from this man, you need evidence even if you just get it on tape, l don't see how its an offence to tape someone doing wrong to you, makes no sense to me, however you need protection from this auful man, if it is not going to come from your parents or family, is there any adult you trust enough to confide in, who might help you? again l say filly, without evidence he will get away with it, and will continue to taunt and abuse not only you, but others!! there is no telling what he is capable of, l don't mean to frighten you, but that is the reality of the situation, you need help, if l lived nearby l would help, otherwise all l could do for you is pray for your safety, l am sorry you are facing this. l pray it all gets sorted out for your sake.

[jlilest]

The laws in the United States vary a lot from state to state. In some states only one party has to know about the recording.

Still it would be worth talking to a lawyer to see if there is something that you can do.

[misskitty]

The laws in the United States vary a lot from state to state. In some states only one party has to know about the recording.

Still it would be worth talking to a lawyer to see if there is something that you can do.

yea i agree with James

[bgfilly]

I am a legal secretary, I work with tons of lawyers and I am very familure with the Illinois law and by law I am not legally allowed to video tape someone with out verbal or written permission, if i should tape someone and this does go to court. Not only will I be fined for breaking the law myself but the evidence will not hold up in court. It's unfortunate. I have started a diary and log to keep track of the verbal assults. However, I dont think that he will become physical or try to do any harm to me. I really do think that he is just keeping tabs. Still that too is wrong.