[lou_marie]

Heyy, so I need some advice! Recently I told my parents that I was gay and had a girlfriend. Needless to say they didn't take it too well but it went better than I had anticipated. I'm 19 and have been with my girlfriend for 6 months now however she told her parents after about 3 months of us being together. Her dad took it well but her mom not so well. I understand that for her it was more difficult as she is living at home for university whereas I am living away. Currently though I am at home for summer break which is why I have taken the opportunity to tell my parents now. Since I have told them they have banned my girlfriend from the house which I can fully understand and respect. However, they are also going out of their way to make my life awkward in whatever I am doing. For instance they won't give me reasons for stopping me from doing something even if it doesn't include my girlfriend and they keep causing arguments with me any time they can. I have tried to talk to my girlfriend about the problems I am having at home however she just keeps saying that her parents were the same she got over it and it's not a big deal even before giving me a chance to fully explain what is happening. I feel like I'm asking too much of her but I kind of expected her to be there to talk to like I was when she was going through it with her parents. Am I being really self-centered or shall I bring up with her why she doesn't want to offer advice? Please be honest if I'm being selfish I can take it XD I just don't want to cause an argument with her if its just me being selfish thanks xx

[Dianbo]

If its your girlfriend, you should be able to talk about it with her. Or about anything that bother you. Even the fact that you ask yourself whether you should tell her or not. That's what being in a relationship is.

I don't think talking about what bother you is being selfish. If how they react hurts you, you need to talk about it with your girlfriend AND your parents. Ask her how she dealt with it. What you can do to make it better and how it affects you. And talk with your parents about how their reaction affects you, how you would like it to be.

Coming out is and will always be a process, for the one who comes out or the one who discovers it. From my personal story, talking and breaking the walls is the only solution.

Hope this helps a little

[lou_marie]

Thanks yeah that helps a lot yeahh Ill try talking to her and my parents the problem I've found with my parents as well is that they try to avoid talking about it directly since i told them which I suppose doesn't help but yeah your right that they need to be able to express what they feel as well thank you xxx

[Dianbo]

The more you talk about it with them, the more they will accept the idea, understand you and less awkward they will feel.

But they need to know that what they do sometimes affects you, they surely act or say something unconsciously to protect themselves from the news, without knowing they actually hurt you. I'm pretty sure they are not aware of it

[lou_marie]

Yeah I understand I have a few weeks or so alone at the moment as they went on holiday this morning so hopefully they'll be in a bit better frame of mind to talk properly about it when they get back thanks for your help I really appreciate it xxx

[woodstock25]

Originally Posted by lou_marie

Heyy, so I need some advice! Recently I told my parents that I was gay and had a girlfriend. Needless to say they didn't take it too well but it went better than I had anticipated. I'm 19 and have been with my girlfriend for 6 months now however she told her parents after about 3 months of us being together. Her dad took it well but her mom not so well. I understand that for her it was more difficult as she is living at home for university whereas I am living away. Currently though I am at home for summer break which is why I have taken the opportunity to tell my parents now. Since I have told them they have banned my girlfriend from the house which I can fully understand and respect. However, they are also going out of their way to make my life awkward in whatever I am doing. For instance they won't give me reasons for stopping me from doing something even if it doesn't include my girlfriend and they keep causing arguments with me any time they can. I have tried to talk to my girlfriend about the problems I am having at home however she just keeps saying that her parents were the same she got over it and it's not a big deal even before giving me a chance to fully explain what is happening. I feel like I'm asking too much of her but I kind of expected her to be there to talk to like I was when she was going through it with her parents. Am I being really self-centered or shall I bring up with her why she doesn't want to offer advice? Please be honest if I'm being selfish I can take it XD I just don't want to cause an argument with her if its just me being selfish thanks xx

Hello Ihope that your situation will get better and better... I can't give you practical advice because whole that stuff is still before me... I'm a bit older than you (24) an still didn't came out in front of my parents and I'm with my girlfriend since 7 years! I really don't know how to do this... that is a big shame... But I really belive that the fact that you made this first step and told them is hudge! They will use to it I belive. You need to give them time to think and find their own answers for their own questions which you can't really answer. I recomand you to keep it real, actual and really normal and natural. Try to told them about how happy you are. I'm constantly doind this even they don't know about me And concerning your girlfriend behavior- I agree with her that they will use to it... And in next few years this will be only a memory, but she's your partner and you can expect from herr all of support and Possibility to share thoughts and advices. Let her be the active part of this situation. I know that it might be very hard -even impossible- but try to not allow your parents for something so called 'ban from girlfriend'. As soon thet get to know her better ans use to her , you will have more clear situation . I really wish you good luck and really - congratulation. I'm proud of you and envy you (in good way of course) that you have that courage