Ellen Funny One-Liners! - Page 2 - Ellen-DeGeneres.com Forums

Stephie22 · 05-17-2011, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *ETT*

A thread for Ellen's funniest one-liners.
Here's one from twitter today:

@mishakim3 asks: How many fingers am I holding up?
And Ellen responds: None. You’re typing.

.

LOL hahahahahahahahahaha thats so funny.....I love her clever and dry sense of humor

thats ellen at her best

*ETT* · 05-17-2011, 05:41 PM

@ilysarahbieber, asks: What's your favorite day of the week?
And Ellen responds: Daniel Day Lewis. He’s not on this week, but he’s my favorite.

.

*ETT* · 05-26-2011, 03:59 PM

@jellybeans321, asks: What's it like being famous?
And Ellen responds: It's great! This weekend I put my handprints in cement! My neighbors are repaving their driveway.

.

*ETT* · 01-09-2012, 05:41 PM

One from Twitter,

TyLorenz, says: You so get it. Keep Living the Dream. LTD
Ellen responds: So long as it's not the one where I show up to school naked.

.

*ETT* · 01-09-2012, 05:45 PM

From Twitter,

liajoelle, asks: why were your chairs tan on yesterday's show? I'm confused!
And Ellen responds: I like to switch things up sometimes. Wait til you see my new wig

.

*ETT* · 01-09-2012, 05:51 PM

Here's a #ClassicJokeMonday from Ellen's Tweets:

What did the horse say when he fell over?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up!
#ClassicJokeMonday

.

*ETT* · 01-21-2012, 08:59 PM

Here's another one...

Ellen: They say spooky weird things happen on Friday the 13th, but ˙ʇɐɥʇ ɟo ʎuɐ əʌəıləq ʇ,uop ı

.

*ETT* · 01-21-2012, 09:03 PM

A #ClassicJokeMonday from Ellen:

What did the pony say when it had a sore throat? I apologize, I am a little horse! #ClassicJokeMonday

.

*ETT* · 02-13-2012, 05:32 PM

A few more #ClassicJokeMonday from Ellen:

-What did the hat say to the tie? You hang around, I'll go on ahead.

-What did one elevator say to the other? I think I'm coming down with something.

-what did the sea say to the land? nothing, it just waved

.

*ETT* · 02-20-2012, 01:27 PM

More #ClassicJokeMonday from Ellen:

-"What did Delaware?" "Her New Jersey."

-I had a fight with my shoelaces this morning. It ended up in a tie

.

05-17-2011, 05:41 PM	#12
ETT Status: Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Twitter Posts: 35 Thanks: 0 Thanked 48 Times in 18 Posts	@ilysarahbieber, asks: What's your favorite day of the week? And Ellen responds: Daniel Day Lewis. He’s not on this week, but he’s my favorite. . __________________ Check out Ellen's Tweets in French @... *Twitter.com/TheEllenShow_Fr* Bonjour tout le monde!

05-26-2011, 03:59 PM	#13
ETT Status: Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Twitter Posts: 35 Thanks: 0 Thanked 48 Times in 18 Posts	@jellybeans321, asks: What's it like being famous? And Ellen responds: It's great! This weekend I put my handprints in cement! My neighbors are repaving their driveway. . __________________ Check out Ellen's Tweets in French @... *Twitter.com/TheEllenShow_Fr* Bonjour tout le monde!

01-09-2012, 05:41 PM	#14
ETT Status: Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Twitter Posts: 35 Thanks: 0 Thanked 48 Times in 18 Posts	One from Twitter, TyLorenz, says: You so get it. Keep Living the Dream. LTD Ellen responds: So long as it's not the one where I show up to school naked. . __________________ Check out Ellen's Tweets in French @... *Twitter.com/TheEllenShow_Fr* Bonjour tout le monde!

01-09-2012, 05:45 PM	#15
ETT Status: Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Twitter Posts: 35 Thanks: 0 Thanked 48 Times in 18 Posts	From Twitter, liajoelle, asks: why were your chairs tan on yesterday's show? I'm confused! And Ellen responds: I like to switch things up sometimes. Wait til you see my new wig . __________________ Check out Ellen's Tweets in French @... *Twitter.com/TheEllenShow_Fr* Bonjour tout le monde!

01-09-2012, 05:51 PM	#16
ETT Status: Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Twitter Posts: 35 Thanks: 0 Thanked 48 Times in 18 Posts	Here's a #ClassicJokeMonday from Ellen's Tweets: What did the horse say when he fell over? Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up! #ClassicJokeMonday . __________________ Check out Ellen's Tweets in French @... *Twitter.com/TheEllenShow_Fr* Bonjour tout le monde!

01-21-2012, 08:59 PM	#17
ETT Status: Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Twitter Posts: 35 Thanks: 0 Thanked 48 Times in 18 Posts	Here's another one... Ellen: They say spooky weird things happen on Friday the 13th, but ˙ʇɐɥʇ ɟo ʎuɐ əʌəıləq ʇ,uop ı . __________________ Check out Ellen's Tweets in French @... *Twitter.com/TheEllenShow_Fr* Bonjour tout le monde!

01-21-2012, 09:03 PM	#18
ETT Status: Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Twitter Posts: 35 Thanks: 0 Thanked 48 Times in 18 Posts	A #ClassicJokeMonday from Ellen: What did the pony say when it had a sore throat? I apologize, I am a little horse! #ClassicJokeMonday . __________________ Check out Ellen's Tweets in French @... *Twitter.com/TheEllenShow_Fr* Bonjour tout le monde!

02-13-2012, 05:32 PM	#19
ETT Status: Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Twitter Posts: 35 Thanks: 0 Thanked 48 Times in 18 Posts	A few more #ClassicJokeMonday from Ellen: -What did the hat say to the tie? You hang around, I'll go on ahead. -What did one elevator say to the other? I think I'm coming down with something. -what did the sea say to the land? nothing, it just waved . __________________ Check out Ellen's Tweets in French @... *Twitter.com/TheEllenShow_Fr* Bonjour tout le monde!

02-20-2012, 01:27 PM	#20
ETT Status: Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Twitter Posts: 35 Thanks: 0 Thanked 48 Times in 18 Posts	More #ClassicJokeMonday from Ellen: -"What did Delaware?" "Her New Jersey." -I had a fight with my shoelaces this morning. It ended up in a tie . __________________ Check out Ellen's Tweets in French @... *Twitter.com/TheEllenShow_Fr* Bonjour tout le monde!

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