Breakup Advice Please~ - Ellen-DeGeneres.com Forums

crashburn549 · 07-15-2008, 05:44 PM

So heres the scoop...
A girl I've a crush on, is going thro a breakup. The girl I like and her girlfriend, just got back from a two week vacation yesterday, and I just found out the news that they had broke off the relationship.

I'm not really close with the girl I like, we're just friends, and hopefully in the future, potentially she will consider me a good friend with time. I've only known her for about a month and half and I really want to be there for this girl and want her to show that I care. I don't want to come off as pushy or annoying or like I'm trying to get with her. I just want some advice and how to cheer her up and show I care in a friend way.
So anyways I found out that news today, that her and her girlfriend called it quits.
Before actually knowing that they had broke things off today, I asked her if she wanted to get some coffee, thats when she Responded to me via text message with the news, and saying that she just wants time alone and if we could get together later on this week instead. I responded back, saying I was sorry and that I am here for her if she wants to talk, and that we could get together later on.

Now down to the question:

Should I go over to her house and try to comfort her with a comedy movie and maybe some ice cream, to help her get her mind off things, or should I just leave her alone and wait for her to contact me? I think it would be a sweet gesture to come to her her house unexpectedly, but i dont want to come off as annoying or pushy ither.

You know how sometimes people will say that "they just want to be alone" but all they really need is a shoulder to cry on or a hug. Well I would like to be that hug and that shoulder, but i dont know if I should if she said she wants to be alone. hmmmmm.....

Any advice would be awesome! Thanks guys!

nowvoyager · 07-16-2008, 12:07 AM

I'd recommend giving her the space she needs. How long was she in a relationship with her gf? She would be feeling very stressed and upset at the moment whether she is the break-er or the break-ee. She knows you are interested in her as a friend but she probably isn't in the right frame of mind to be considering anything more. I'd suggest just sending her a txt in a day or two telling her you are thinking of her and hoping she is feeling better.

dancingqueen · 07-16-2008, 05:50 AM

As you've only known her a short time, she could easily jump to the conclusion that you are anxious to start a relationship with her and THAT is the worst mistake you can make. She needs time to get over this relationship before ever considering another. Definitely let her have time alone for a couple of days & then a text to see how she is. Don't keep doing it or "unexpectantly" start dropping in on her ....... she will run a mile if she thinks you are trying to muscle-in now!!

Loopy_loo · 07-16-2008, 08:14 PM

i agree with dancingqueen and nowvoyager.
Respect her privacy. It sounds like a sweet gesture you had in mind. But i would bide ur time, an be her friend. hmm.. maybe if u know a funny movie is on tv, drop her a text and say that its on.

and maybe toward the end of the week, if she doesn't get back to you. txt her and say that you are going out to stretch youre legs in the park and that if she fancies coming, to let you know, leaving it open for her.

if she ends up talking to you about her situation, use youre ears. ( i hope i dont sound insulting when i say that) by that i mean, just and only just, listen.
let her know youre there, but youre not in her face.

i hope this is sort of useful.

LisaJr · 07-16-2008, 09:33 PM

I agree, plus if you move in on her too quickly, you may end up being just a rebound

irock4u · 07-17-2008, 05:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loopy_loo

and maybe toward the end of the week, if she doesn't get back to you. txt her and say that you are going out to stretch youre legs in the park and that if she fancies coming, to let you know, leaving it open for her.

I need to use that someday *note to self* future pick-up line

On the advise i agree with all those that say wait give her space you dont want to be the rebound girl

and agreed with the listen part as well all great advise... sorry, i didnt have any advise all the good advise was taken

oh, i might have one dont make the 1st move

if you do hang out.

07-15-2008, 05:44 PM	#1
crashburn549 Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 1 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Breakup Advice Please~ So heres the scoop... A girl I've a crush on, is going thro a breakup. The girl I like and her girlfriend, just got back from a two week vacation yesterday, and I just found out the news that they had broke off the relationship. I'm not really close with the girl I like, we're just friends, and hopefully in the future, potentially she will consider me a good friend with time. I've only known her for about a month and half and I really want to be there for this girl and want her to show that I care. I don't want to come off as pushy or annoying or like I'm trying to get with her. I just want some advice and how to cheer her up and show I care in a friend way. So anyways I found out that news today, that her and her girlfriend called it quits. Before actually knowing that they had broke things off today, I asked her if she wanted to get some coffee, thats when she Responded to me via text message with the news, and saying that she just wants time alone and if we could get together later on this week instead. I responded back, saying I was sorry and that I am here for her if she wants to talk, and that we could get together later on. Now down to the question: Should I go over to her house and try to comfort her with a comedy movie and maybe some ice cream, to help her get her mind off things, or should I just leave her alone and wait for her to contact me? I think it would be a sweet gesture to come to her her house unexpectedly, but i dont want to come off as annoying or pushy ither. You know how sometimes people will say that "they just want to be alone" but all they really need is a shoulder to cry on or a hug. Well I would like to be that hug and that shoulder, but i dont know if I should if she said she wants to be alone. hmmmmm..... Any advice would be awesome! Thanks guys!

07-16-2008, 12:07 AM	#2
nowvoyager Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Australia Posts: 135 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	I'd recommend giving her the space she needs. How long was she in a relationship with her gf? She would be feeling very stressed and upset at the moment whether she is the break-er or the break-ee. She knows you are interested in her as a friend but she probably isn't in the right frame of mind to be considering anything more. I'd suggest just sending her a txt in a day or two telling her you are thinking of her and hoping she is feeling better. __________________ No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. - Eleanor Roosevelt

07-16-2008, 08:14 PM	#4
Loopy_loo Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: UK Posts: 473 Thanks: 12 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	i agree with dancingqueen and nowvoyager. Respect her privacy. It sounds like a sweet gesture you had in mind. But i would bide ur time, an be her friend. hmm.. maybe if u know a funny movie is on tv, drop her a text and say that its on. and maybe toward the end of the week, if she doesn't get back to you. txt her and say that you are going out to stretch youre legs in the park and that if she fancies coming, to let you know, leaving it open for her. if she ends up talking to you about her situation, use youre ears. ( i hope i dont sound insulting when i say that) by that i mean, just and only just, listen. let her know youre there, but youre not in her face. i hope this is sort of useful. __________________ I couldnt marry a goat.... i couldnt even imagine dating a goat!

07-16-2008, 09:33 PM	#5
LisaJr Ellen-Fan Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: USA Posts: 995 Thanks: 1 Thanked 4 Times in 3 Posts	I agree, plus if you move in on her too quickly, you may end up being just a rebound __________________ "I'm the cat by the bar toasting to the good life"

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07-16-2008, 05:50 AM	#3
dancingqueen Banned Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 27 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	As you've only known her a short time, she could easily jump to the conclusion that you are anxious to start a relationship with her and THAT is the worst mistake you can make. She needs time to get over this relationship before ever considering another. Definitely let her have time alone for a couple of days & then a text to see how she is. Don't keep doing it or "unexpectantly" start dropping in on her ....... she will run a mile if she thinks you are trying to muscle-in now!!